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Dear alcohol

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by The Finest, Nov 4, 2010.

  1. The Finest

    The Finest JF-Expert Member

    #1
    Nov 4, 2010
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    [FONT=&quot]Dear Alcohol,

    I thought I'd take a minute to discuss some troubling factors with you. First and foremost, let me tell you that I'm a huge fan of yours. Your many sides and dimensions are mind-boggling (different than beer goggling, which I'll touch upon shortly.) Yes, my friend, you always seem to be there when needed: the perfect post-work cocktail, a beer with the game...and you're even around in the holidays: Hidden inside chocolates you warm us when we're stuck in the midst of endless family gatherings. Yet lately, I've been wondering about your intentions.

    You see, I want to believe that you have my best interests at heart, but I feel that your influence has led to unwise consequences, briefed below for your review:

    [/FONT][FONT=&quot]1. Phone calls[/FONT][FONT=&quot]: While I agree with you that communication is important, I question the suggestion that any conversation of substance or necessity occurs after 3 am. Why would you make me call those ex-boyfriends/girlfriends when I know for a fact they do not want to hear from me during the day, let alone all hours of the night?

    [/FONT][FONT=&quot]2. Eating[/FONT][FONT=&quot]: Now, you know I love a good meal and, though cooking is far from my specialty, why you suggested that I eat a kebab with chili sauce coupled with a pot noodle and some stale crisps (washed down with chocolate nesquik and topped off with a Kit Kat) is beyond me. Eclectic eater I am, but I think you went a bit too far this time.

    [/FONT][FONT=&quot]3. Clumsiness[/FONT][FONT=&quot]: Unless you're subtly trying to tell me I need to do yoga more to increase my balance, I see NO need to hammer the issue home by causing me to fall down the stairs. Completely unnecessary, and the black and blue marks that appear on my body mysteriously the next day are beyond me. Similarly, it should never take me more than 45 seconds to get the front door key into the lock.
    [/FONT][FONT=&quot]
    4. Pictures[/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]: This is a blessing in disguise, as it can often clarify the last point below, but the following costumes are heretofore banned from being placed on my head in public: Indian Wigs, Sombreros, Bows, Ties, Boxes, upside-down cups, inflatable balloon animals, traffic cones, and bras.

    [/FONT][FONT=&quot]5. Beer Goggles[/FONT][FONT=&quot]: If I think I may know him/her from somewhere, I most likely do not. PLEASE do not request that I go over and see if in fact, I do actually know that person. This is similar to the old "Hey, you're in my class" syndrome circa 1996 at SU, and should heretofore be rendered illegal. Coupled with this is the phrase "Let's shag." While I may be thinking this, please reinstate the brain-to-mouth block that would keep this thought from being a statement, especially in public.

    Further, the subsequent hangovers have GOT to stop. Now, I know a little penance for our previous evenings' debauchery may be in order, but the 2pm Hangover Immobility is completely unacceptable. I ask that if the proper steps are proactively taken on my part (i.e. water, vitamin B, bread products, aspirin) prior to going to bed/passing out face down on the kitchen floor with a bag of popcorn, the hangover should be quite minimal and no way interfere with my daily Saturday or Sunday (or any day, for that matter) activities. Come on now, it's only fair-you do your part, I'll do mine.

    Alcohol, I have enjoyed our relationship for some years now, and want to ensure that we remain on good terms. You've been the invoker of great stories, the provocation for much laughter, and the needed companion when we just don't know what to do with the extra money in our pockets. In order to continue this relationship, I ask that you carefully review my grievances above and address them immediately. I will look for an answer no later than Thursday at 5pm (pre happy hour) on your possible solutions and hopefully we can continue this fruitful partnership.

    Sincerely,

    Your Biggest Fan.
    [/FONT]



    COPY TO:
    KAIZER, ROYA ROY, TEAMO, ASPRIN, KIMEY, GENERATION Y, BIGIRITA, FIDEL 80, ACID
     
  2. ENZO

    ENZO JF-Expert Member

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    kingereza kinaleta uvivu kusoma.
     
  3. afrodenzi

    afrodenzi Platinum Member

    #3
    Nov 4, 2010
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    @ The Finest

    YouTube - Savage - Moonshine ft. Akon

    hey i thought this song will go well with ur thread .........took me same time to understand what they were singing about but i finally did and i like it ... hope u will enjoy it too:smile-big::smile-big:
     
  4. The Finest

    The Finest JF-Expert Member

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    ha ha ha ha ha ha
     
  5. TIMING

    TIMING JF-Expert Member

    #5
    Nov 4, 2010
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    Finest... pombe is the best innovation a man has ever made... actually it was blessed by jesus and is used everyday... if this was a religion, it would come next to money

    gotta get back to work....
     
  6. The Finest

    The Finest JF-Expert Member

    #6
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    Cousin what happened kwa maudhurio yako kwenye mikutano ya chama chetu
     
  7. Fidel80

    Fidel80 JF-Expert Member

    #7
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    Kwa wapenda mabadiliko kipindi hiki Pombe inawasaidia sana kuwaliwaza na idadi ya watu Bar na grosari imezidi kuongezeka tunajiliwaza na kuchakachuliwa huku kweupeeeeeeeee
     
  8. WiseLady

    WiseLady JF-Expert Member

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    It plays all gud friendship, and the worse one!just two at ago, but one encounter much of the other.
     
  9. The Finest

    The Finest JF-Expert Member

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    One bottle of Red Label for you on the house
     
  10. The Finest

    The Finest JF-Expert Member

    #10
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    Utapigwa faini kwa kukosa kuhudhuria vikao muhimu
     
  11. WiseLady

    WiseLady JF-Expert Member

    #11
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    Will prefer santi anna,since we are all saints
     
  12. Bigirita

    Bigirita JF-Expert Member

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    the best part is ....... let's shag. straight no longolongo!
     
  13. Bigirita

    Bigirita JF-Expert Member

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    why not st. big? it is a cocktail you will love. a combination of big and mama big. how about that?
     
  14. Teamo

    Teamo JF-Expert Member

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    be back....!naenda kuchukua dikshenare tanganyika laibrare hapo.....
     
  15. The Finest

    The Finest JF-Expert Member

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    ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha nimecheka mpaka basi nyie watu wa jf doh!!! Doh!!! Doh!!!
     
  16. TIMING

    TIMING JF-Expert Member

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    Mkuu, Slaa kanituma nchi za ukanda wa africa kuasmbaza habri njema kwamba amekamata wezi wa vijikaratasi vya kura

    nikipata nauli ntarudi nchini....

    tatizo huku ni hili lilebo jeusi kwenye kidole changu cha mwisho, halifutiki kama ndonya
     
  17. The Finest

    The Finest JF-Expert Member

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    Jamaa unashtukia anaanza kumwambia mshiki lets go for a quicky
     
  18. Bigirita

    Bigirita JF-Expert Member

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    mi uniletee ile ya kiinglishi kwenda kiswanglishi
     
  19. Bigirita

    Bigirita JF-Expert Member

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    ukirudi utakuta una yohana watembezi wanne, na utalazimika kuwamaliza katika kikao kimoja.
     
  20. The Finest

    The Finest JF-Expert Member

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    HA HA HA HA HA aiseee mimi nimefua nguo mara nne bado haijatoka na sasa hivi ndio inaelekea kuishia
     
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