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Dating rules: Who should pay and when

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by Bibie, Feb 20, 2009.

  1. Bibie

    Bibie Member

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    The Frisky

    It seems that all anyone is talking about lately is the economy, so why is money still such a tough topic to discuss with your nearest and dearest? They say married couples fight over money more than anything else, but what about when you just started dating? That's possibly even more awkward.


    Columnist says no woman should leave her house on first date without enough money to pay for her meal.

    The first date

    Though Dr. Phil feels otherwise, my take on this has always been he (or she) who asks, pays. (The bloviating shrink says men should always be the ones to pony up.)

    And if you don't pay for the whole thing, you should at least offer to split the tab. Incredibly (to me), most women I spoke to thought I was an idiot and firmly believed the dude should always pay on a first date -- though for some this was a recent change of heart.

    Kate, a 33-year-old writer told me, "I tend to try to pay for myself, but as I get older and more comfortable with my awesomeness, I kind of wish and hope that the other person will be a little more old-fashioned about it." Good point. If someone's eating opposite Amazing Me, shouldn't she or he pay for the privilege? After all, I'm entertaining and cute and if you let me order dessert there may be some smooching in your future.

    Regardless of your feelings on the matter, whatever you do, don't leave the house without enough money to pay for at least your share. It's a first date so while he may seem great (and generous) on paper, you never really know what you're getting into until he's sitting across from you. Sure, he might be staring adoringly deep into your eyes, but then again, his pants might be held up with duct tape. Do you really want to count on that dude to know the meaning of "gratuity?"

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    What to say: "That's so generous of you -- can I at least leave the tip?"

    What not to say: "This princess doesn't pay for food!"

    Dates two-thru-six

    Jennifer Kelton, CEO and founder of BadOnlineDates.com, has built a business on bad dating behavior. She explains her thoughts on the money issue: "While it's not expected, Let's face it -- we are hardwired to want the man to 'bring back dinner to the cave.'" Up until my current relationship, I've almost always been in the driver's seat finance-wise (and believe me, that's a pretty meager seat) so I've always furnished my own cave.

    I ask her if it's okay to date a guy just for a free ride or free grub? Kelton says no. "Being cheap is never attractive and I would say that after more than four dates the woman should pay the tip." Whoa! Just the tip? Apparently the women who called me a moron were onto something!

    However, if you're going to keep riding the free-food express, the least you can do is surreptitiously feel out his money situation -- if he's hurting, suggest cheaper restaurants or maybe cook for the guy.

    What to say: "That's so generous of you -- can I at least leave the tip?"

    What not to say: "Let's have the 2000 Perrier-Jouet, since this one's on you!"

    Dates six-thru-infinity

    Up until the two of you really get to know each other, there's probably not going to be any urgent need to discuss finances in depth, but he can't keep buying you steak and foie gras dinners if he's on a cheeseburger and fries budget. For all you know, you're out-earning him or he's supporting 12 Guatemalan orphans and is stretched to the breaking point. Then again, maybe he's a gazillionaire.

    At about date six (possibly sooner if they're really eventful dates!), you should be getting to know a lot about every part of him -- including his wallet. There's no right or wrong way to approach this discussion, but just remember, financial compatibility is almost as important as sexual chemistry, though rarely as much fun.

    Wadau mnasemaje kwa hayo? Whats ur opinion on money issues when it comes to dating?
     
  2. Kaizer

    Kaizer JF-Expert Member

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    Kibongo bongo siye wanaume tunapaswa/tunaishiaga kulipa , ndio utamaduni ijapokuwa watu wa haki za wanawake watasema unamdhalilisha mwanamke....
     
  3. M

    MzalendoHalisi JF-Expert Member

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    Dem wa kibongo halipi! Na anategemea ulipe kila siku..kwani wewe ni mzee!
     
  4. Sajenti

    Sajenti JF-Expert Member

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    ...Kweli tupu demu wa kibongo mwanangu ukiwa nae viwanja ujue bill zote zinamiminiwa kwako hata kama atakuwa na pesa anauchuna utasikia mwanaume ndio anatakiwa a-settle bill wakati mmekula wote. wananiudhi sana akili zao zinawapa kuwa akimpata mwanaume basi ndio mahali pa kuegemea kwa kila kitu.
     
  5. Bibie

    Bibie Member

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    Je mnafikiria hiyo hali ya wanawake wakibongo inaweza kubadilika na kwa vipi? Kweli itafikia wakati nasisi wabongo tutakuwa kama wenzetu wazungu? Nauliza kwasababu vitu vingi tunaiga lakini kwenye hili swala la pesa inakuwaje?
     
  6. M

    MzalendoHalisi JF-Expert Member

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    Bibie,

    Kwa nini tuwe kama wazungu?? Ili nini?? Ndo ulimbukeni!

    Halafu kwa nini thread zako zote ni mapenzi tu??? Siasa na Elimu Tz huna mpango? Yaani chini tu??

    Kaazi kweli kweli!
     
  7. m

    msabato masalia Senior Member

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    Ushaanza kuhukumu.We ticha wa primary nini au dingi(mzee wa kanisa),kusudi nini,kalipio kali kinyama.
     
  8. Yo Yo

    Yo Yo JF-Expert Member

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    wanaita ATM,buzi,kidumu.....
     
  9. Balantanda

    Balantanda JF-Expert Member

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    Yeah..Mambo haya anayaweza Fataki mzee wa ATM....Anaulizwa Fataki leo wapi anajibu 'kulekule kwa jana'..Lol.....Tatizo wadala wetu nao wanapenda utegemezi mnoooo...Yaani ukiwa na miadi naye basi lazima aje na wenzake kama sio wawili basi watatu(na wanakula bwii hao) halafu bill yote kwako,wanahakikisha wanakukamua hasa yaani,ni nomaaaaaaaa
     
  10. Kaizer

    Kaizer JF-Expert Member

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    ndo na mimi nashindwa kuelewa kwa nini hapo kwen pesa hatuwezi kuiga?
     
  11. Kaizer

    Kaizer JF-Expert Member

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    LOL MzalendoHalisi huku hakukufai nenda kule kule kwenye Siasa na sijui afrika mashariki

    hapa tunaenda taratibu mwache bibie atupe mambo

    by the way nani kasema mapenzi ni 'chini' tu...LOL
     
  12. Masanilo

    Masanilo JF-Expert Member

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    Hii ilikuwa zamani kidogo my own experience!! Nilienda na demu kiwanja bongo, demu akaagiza chupa zima la Amarula, Misosi balaa na kibaya zaidi akaomba simu yangu aongee na ndugu zake, Thanks God charge ilikwisha alikuwa anapigia hadi friends wake walio nje !!bill ilipokuja nikamsogezea. Wacha sura imshuke, nikaimaliza kibingwa!! Dada zetu hawajui cost sharing wache Liumba awamalizee
     
  13. Bibie

    Bibie Member

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    Kwani hii si elimu na mambo mengine ninayo andika hayaelimishi we vipi bwana kama wewe huelimiki wenzako wanaelimika. Nakupa pole maana hata maana ya elimu kumbe huijui. Mbona vitu kibao tunaiiga wazungu au ndo unajitetea tu huu ndo ukweli wenyewe. Samahani kama nakukwaza.
     
  14. Bibie

    Bibie Member

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    Kawni wewe hupendi chini? Hata wanasiasa wanapenda na hayo yote ninayo andika ni part of education na politics ukiangalia vizuri.
     
  15. IronBroom

    IronBroom JF-Expert Member

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    Aha ha haaaaaaa Bibie.....tehe tehe tehe
     
  16. Nyamayao

    Nyamayao JF-Expert Member

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    hivi mpaka leo ipogo hiyo? haaa kazi kweli kweli, huo ni ushamba wa hali ya juu! nachukia hiyo tabia kupitiliza.
     
  17. Nyamayao

    Nyamayao JF-Expert Member

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    mie naonaga kama ni kujidhalilisha tu, yani cku ya kwanza tu yote hayo na mkiendelea inakuwaje?na cmu pia, kabla ya kuonana hapo alikuwa anafanyaje akitaka kuwasiliana na hao watu? mie ningekuwa man nikiona hivyo vimbwanga tu cku hiyo hiyo nammwaga, umeenda kusikiliza/kupiga stori/kufahamiana na mtu.
     
  18. Fidel80

    Fidel80 JF-Expert Member

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    Mi iwa nachoka demu unampa apointment yeye anakuja na wapambe zaidi ya 2 na bill zote ni juu yako unamgharamia yeye na wapambe.
    Utachoka pale demu anapo wahi mapema kufika sehemu husika wkt wewe bado hujafika utaona demu kaagiza maji au soda ukifika wewe tu anabadili kinywaji ataagiza redbull au heineken au bavaria kwa nini asinge agiza kwa pesa yake kabla??Kwa hiyo wao iwa wanatoka na nauli tu.
    Mademu wa bongo mfilisi.
     
  19. BelindaJacob

    BelindaJacob JF-Expert Member

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    Situation kama hiyo ujue demu anakuzuga labda akupende baadae ila kwanza anakutumia na rafiki zake yaani kukuchuna pesa!
     
  20. BelindaJacob

    BelindaJacob JF-Expert Member

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    Bibie!
    First date mwanaume akilipa siyo mbaya ila kama mnaendelea kuwa wote inapendeza kushirikiana kwenye gharama mbalimbali.
    Napenda dizaini ya 'lets go dutch' mnatoka dinner pamoja ila kila mtu anajigharamia. Hapo hamna mchunaji wala mchunajwi!
     
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