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Cheka unenepe: Valerie…..!!!

Discussion in 'Jokes/Utani + Udaku/Gossips' started by Kombo, May 16, 2011.

  1. Kombo

    Kombo JF-Expert Member

    #1
    May 16, 2011
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    The madam opened the brothel door in Winnipeg and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties or early fifties.
    "May I help you sir?" she asked.
    The man replied, "I want to see Valerie."
    "Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies.
    Perhaps you would prefer someone else", said the madam.
    He replied, "No, I must see Valerie."
    Just then, Valerie appeared and announced to the man she charged $5000 a visit.
    Without hesitation, the man pulled out five thousand dollars and gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs.
    After an hour, the man calmly left.
    The next night, the man appeared again, once more demanding to see Valerie.
    Valerie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row as she was too expensive.
    "There are no discounts. The price is still $5000."
    Again, the man pulled out the money, gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs.
    After an hour, he left.

    The following night the man was there yet again.
    Everyone was astounded that he had come for a third consecutive night, but he paid Valerie and they went upstairs.
    After their session, Valerie said to the man,
    "No one has ever been with me three nights in a row. Where are you from?"
    The man replied," New Brunswick ..."
    "Really," she said. "I have family in New Brunswick ..."
    "I know." the man said. "Your sister died, and I am her attorney. She asked me to give you your $15,000 inheritance."

    The moral of the story is that three things in life are certain:

    1. Death 2. Tax 3. Being screwed by a lawyer!
     
  2. Raia Fulani

    Raia Fulani JF-Expert Member

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    Haya bwana
     
  3. N

    Nsagali Member

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    mnawanyima uhuru watu wa kuelewa jambo unapoandika kwa kutumia lugha tofauti na kiswahili ndio maana watu wanashindwa kuchangia, tunajua wewe unajua sana kingereza, lakini angalia na jamii inayokuzunguka unakuwa tu mtu mwenye hekima anayejali.
     
  4. Kombo

    Kombo JF-Expert Member

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    Nitajitahidi ku-post na kwa lugha yetu Mkuu, asante kwa comments.
     
  5. D

    D'angelo Member

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    May 17, 2011
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    Eeeeeheeee hapooo poa muandikage na kiswahili mwe.....me kwetu mvomelo darasa la kwanza kwenye mwembe....sasa chingereza ntajua wapi mie mwe!!!!!!
     
  6. Utamaduni

    Utamaduni JF-Expert Member

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    Duuuuh

    kumbe kayumba secondari skul tupo wengi,

    its good story anyway
     
  7. K

    KAPONGO JF-Expert Member

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    [
    The moral of the story is that three things in life are certain:
    1. Death 2. Tax 3. Being screwed by a lawyer![/QUOTE]

    Quite a piece but I dont buy the moral of the story the 3rd one in particular..... especial to our majority african populace who not only cannot afford services of a lawyer and infact most of their cases are done in primary courts where advocates in most cases are not entertained. my take: the moral of the story: What ever obstacles one can institue to marginalise others there are remote possibilities to outwit them ... and in some cases at your own costs!
     
  8. T

    Tasia I JF-Expert Member

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    ka kweli akili mali.
     
  9. Pearl

    Pearl JF-Expert Member

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    mmmh jamani kisa kiswahili ni lugha yetu ndo hata vitu vya kidhungu tuvibadilishe?mwe mbn sasa hii ngum sana?yani ni sawa na mm uniambie udaku niupige kwa kithungu wapi na wapi?Udaku unanoga kwa kiswahili na hiyo story tam kwa kiinglishi
     
  10. MVAA GWANDA

    MVAA GWANDA Member

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    Duh, hii stori inanikumbusha ya yule jamaa mmoja alikuwa bafuni anaoga mara mlango ukagongwa, mkewe akatoka amevaa kanga moja kwenda kufungua, akakuta ni jirani yao mwanaume, yule jirani akamwangalia mwanamama kwa matamanio akauliza 'uko tayari nikupe laki mbili ufungue hiyo kanga nione mwili wako?' mke akafikiria akasikilizia kama mumewe ametoka bafuni akasikia bado maji yanamwagika akajua bado, chap chap mama akafungua kanga yake jamaa akala kwa macho aliporidhika akamkabidhi laki mbili cash, wakati anaondoka na mama anafunga mlango mumewe akauliza 'ni nani huyo alikuwa anagonga?' mke akajibu 'ni jirani yetu John'. mumewe akasema 'dooh, afadhali, amekupa laki mbili zangu? nilikuwa namdai siku nyingi'. duh, just imagine mkewe alijibu nini

    tchao
     
  11. toghocho

    toghocho JF-Expert Member

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    like....
     
  12. Kombo

    Kombo JF-Expert Member

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    Safi sana Mkuu,
    Siku nyingine kisa kama hicho ki-post ili wengi wakione badala ya kukibanabana, au kilishawekwa kwenye JF?
     
  13. Kombo

    Kombo JF-Expert Member

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    Quite a piece but I dont buy the moral of the story the 3rd one in particular.. my take: the moral of the story: What ever obstacles one can institue to marginalise others there are remote possibilities to outwit them ... and in some cases at your own costs![/QUOTE]

    I accept it as a challenge. Can i borrow your take and add it up as the fourth point or as an alternative to the third one?
     
  14. PayGod

    PayGod JF-Expert Member

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    asanteeeee
     
  15. MAMMAMIA

    MAMMAMIA JF-Expert Member

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    May 17, 2011
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    Pengine haikuwa lazima, lakini kwa kuwarahisishia ufahamu nimejaribu kufanya tafsiri ya chapuchapu, haiko sahihi sana:

    Bibie alifungua mlango wa danguro huko Winnipeg na kumwona bwana mmoja mtu na heshima zake, mtanshati na aliyevalia vizuri
    “Nikusaidie nini bwana?” aliuliza yule bibie.
    Bwana akajibu, “Napenda kumwona Valerie”
    “Bwana, Valerie ni mmjoa kati ya wasichana wetu Ghali sana. Pengine ungehitaji mwanamke mwengine”
    “Hapana, mimi ninmtaka Valerie”
    Wakati wanazungumza yale, Valerie akachomoza mlangoni na kumwambia yule bwana kuwa anatoza $5000 kwa mara moja. Yule bwana bila kusita akatoa pochi na kuchomoa $5000 na kumpa Valerie., wakapanda gorofani.
    Baada ya saa moja, yule bwana akaondoka taratibu.
    Usiku wa pili, yule bwana akarejea tena. Valerie mwenyewe akashangaa kwani hakuna aliyekuja mara moja na kurejea kutokana na ughali wa huduma zake, na akamwonya Yule mteja wake kuwa bei ni ile ile, hakuna punguzo. Kwa mara nyengine tena, akatoa pesa na wakapanda juu.
    Usiku ulofuata bwana alifika tena pale na kila mtu akaduwaa kuona amekuja siku tatu mfululizo, na vado akalipa na mambo yakawa kama siku zilizotangulia. Baada ya shughuli, Valerie akamwambia mteja wake,
    “Hakuna mtu amefika hapa siku tatu mfululizo. Unatokea wapi?”
    “New Brunswick” , Yule bwana akajibu.
    “Kweli?. Mimi nina jamaa huko New Brunswick…”
    “Naelewa. Dada yako amefariki na mimi ni wakili wake. Aliwacha urithi wa $15000 alizousia nikukabidhi”, alijibu yule bwana.
    Mafunzo ya hadithi hii ni mambo matatu ya uhakika (na machungu) ni:
    Kifo. 2. Kodi 3. Kukazwa na wakili
     
  16. Kombo

    Kombo JF-Expert Member

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    Asante sana kwa tafsiri hiyo. "KUKAZWA NA WAKILI?????". Punguza ukali wa MANENO.
     
  17. Gagurito

    Gagurito JF-Expert Member

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    Safi sana mkubwa, sasa walipokua wanaenda upstair ilikuwa nin kinaendelea?
     
  18. L

    Losemo Senior Member

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    Safi sana. Bahati mbaya ukiiweka kiswahili hainogi kabisa
     
  19. senator

    senator JF-Expert Member

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    Changanya na za kwako hapo!!
     
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