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Beer Stories

Discussion in 'Jokes/Utani + Udaku/Gossips' started by Ngambo Ngali, Nov 2, 2009.

  1. Ngambo Ngali

    Ngambo Ngali JF-Expert Member

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    Tusker baridi upo mbona kimya sana , makonyagi naye simsikii au bado amelala????????? Special for you

    Sometimes when I reflect on all the beer I drink, I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work, and their dreams would be shattered. I think, "It is better to drink this beer and let their dreams come true, than be selfish and worry about my liver." Babe Ruth


    An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with the fools in his life. Ernest Hemingway


    When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. Paul Hornung


    24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not. H.L. Mencken


    When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven! George Bernard Shaw


    Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. Benjamin Franklin


    Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza. Dave Barry


    One night at Cheers, Cliff Clavin explained the "Buffalo Theory" to his buddy, Norm. "Well ya see, Norm, it's like this. A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine! That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers..
     
  2. vivian

    vivian JF-Expert Member

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    Imetulia hiyo. nimeipenda. kamata ka offer ka Tusker
     
  3. Ngambo Ngali

    Ngambo Ngali JF-Expert Member

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    asante kwa offer, ila kili baridi ingefaa
     
  4. N

    Nesindiso Sir JF-Expert Member

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    Nimeipenda hiyo research ya mwisho.
     
  5. R

    Rayk New Member

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    Nov 3, 2009
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    mwana hiyo research ya mwisho ni noma mbaya. Aminia mkuu
     
  6. GY

    GY JF-Expert Member

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    tazama bwana, hata alipoona watu wamezubaazubaa hapo tafrijani, akageuza pipa mbili za maji kuwa divai
     
  7. Asprin

    Asprin JF-Expert Member

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    Vivian hiyo avatar yako ni picha yako? Kama ndiyo njoo hapa nikutwange na beer mbili tatu afu tuongee zaidi! Lol! Mpaka nimesikia kiu. Thread nyingine bana! Hii ilipaswa kutolewa jionijioni.
     
  8. Ngambo Ngali

    Ngambo Ngali JF-Expert Member

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    [​IMG]
     
  9. Ngambo Ngali

    Ngambo Ngali JF-Expert Member

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    hii order mpelekee Crispin na wenzie, fanya haraka wana kiu eti

    [​IMG]
     
  10. Kibunango

    Kibunango JF-Expert Member

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    Nov 4, 2009
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    [​IMG]
     
  11. Ngambo Ngali

    Ngambo Ngali JF-Expert Member

    #11
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    [​IMG]
     
  12. Ngambo Ngali

    Ngambo Ngali JF-Expert Member

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    Crispin and Company ingawa umenisahau usisahau hii sala kabla ya kuanza au baada ya shughuli ya kinywaji weekend hii:

    [​IMG]
     
  13. Typical

    Typical JF-Expert Member

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    hiyo theary ya mwisho kama ya ukweli ukweli hivi,although its hard to prove!hivi vidovu vidogo vimesababisha nimeacha kunywa whisky kabisa...
     
  14. Kibunango

    Kibunango JF-Expert Member

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    Dec 11, 2009
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    Here are some serious stuff...

    Beer contains female hormones: Last month, National University of Lesotho scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer, and suggested that men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption.

    The theory is that beer contains female hormones (hops contain phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women. To test the theory, 100 men drank 8 pints of beer each, within a 1 hour period. It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects:

    • Argued over nothing.

    • Refused to apologize when obviously wrong.

    • Gained weight.

    • Talked excessively without making sense.

    • Became overly emotional.

    • Couldn't drive.

    • Failed to think rationally.

    • Had to sit down while urinating.
    No further testing was considered necessary.
     
  15. RayB

    RayB JF-Expert Member

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    Dec 11, 2009
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    Kibunango bwana nimekubali hiyo sasa kwa hio glass ni mvinyo au ni mnyoyo. Watu na pombe, kuna siku nilikuwa nilikuwa nasafiri na BA nilikuwa na jamaa kadhaa wakaanza kunywa airport kuingia ndani ya pipa jamaa akaendelea kula kitu basi wahudumu wakawa wanamkatalia wacha aanze kuporomosha matusi kwa kiingereza (yeye ni mbongo). sasa kashashe tulipofika JNIA ndugu waliokuja kumpokea walishangaa jamaa yuko chakari manake masaa kumi ye kalewa kweli walikuja kumpokea manake ilibidi wamsaidie kutembea.

    Utafiti unaonyesha waitalia wanaishi miaka mingi zaidi sababu kabla ya kulala na baada ya kila msosi lazima wapate glass ya red wine lakini waingereza pombe inawaathiri sababu wao wanakunywa kwa kulewa. TWENDE KWA KIASI
     
  16. Ngambo Ngali

    Ngambo Ngali JF-Expert Member

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    MERRY X MAS & HAPPY NEW YEAR KWA WANA JF WOTE

    [​IMG]

    ngambo ngali
     
  17. y

    yvesfairchild New Member

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    Pamoja na yote yaliyosemwa, embu siku moja omba kazi TBL halafu nenda kwenye usaili ukiwa na kilimanjaro kadhaa kichwani uone watakuonaje
     
  18. Kibunango

    Kibunango JF-Expert Member

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    Dec 29, 2009
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    BASED ON YOUR SUNSIGNS YOUR EXPECTED BEHAVIOUR AFTER YOU GET DRUNK !!

    ARIES : Drinking style Impulsive Aries people like to party and sometime sdon't know when to call it a night. Their competitive streak makes them prone to closing-time shot contests. They're sloppy, fun drunks, and they get mighty flirty after a couple tipples. Getting Aries people drunk I sa good way to get what you want out of them, should other methods fail. Aries can become bellicose when blotto, but they will assume that whatever happened should be forgiven (if not forgotten) by sunrise. They can be counted on to do the same for you -- so long as you haven't gone and done anything really horrible to them last night, you sneaky Gemini.

    TAURUS Drinking style Taurus prefers to drink at a leisurely pace, aiming for a mellow glow rather than a full-on zonk. Since a truly intoxicated Taurus is a one-person stampede, the kind of bull-in-a-china-shop inebriate who spills red wine on white carpets and tells fart jokes to employers, the preference for wining and dining (or Bud and buddies) to body shots and barfing is quite fortunate for the rest of us. This is not to say that the Bull is by any means a teetotaler -- god, no.. A squiffy Taurus will get, er, gregarious (full of loud mouth soup, some would say) and is extremely amusing to drag to a karaoke bar when intoxicated.

    GEMINI Drinking style Gemini's can drink without changing their behavior much-- they're so naturally chatty and short-attention-spanned that it's just hard to tell sometimes. They can amaze you by conversing with finesse and allusion, then doing something to belie an extremely advanced state of intoxication, like puking in your shoe. Gemini's possess the magic ability to flirt successfully (and uninfuriatingly, which is very tricky) with several people at once. They like to order different cocktails every round -- repetition is boring -- and may create a theme (like yellow drinks: beer, sauvignon blanc and limoncello) for their own amusement.

    CANCER Drinking style Cancer is a comfort drinker -- and an extra wine with dinner or an after-work beer or six can be extra comforting, can't it, Cancer darling? Like fellow water signs Scorpio and Pisces, Crabs must guard against lushery. Cancers are brilliant at ferreting out secret parties and insinuating themselves on VIP lists -- and, in true Hollywood style, Cancers are never really drunk; instead, they get "tired and emotional" (read: weepy when lubricated). But there's nothing better than swapping stories (and spit) over a few bottles of inky red wine with your favorite Cancer. Even your second-favorite Cancer will do. The sign also rules the flavor vanilla, and you'd be adored if you served up a vanilla vodka and soda.

    LEO Drinking style Leo likes to drink and dance -- they're often fabulous dancers, and usually pretty good drinkers as well, losing their commanding dignity and turning kittenish. Of course, they're quite aware that they're the darling --Leos will be Leos, after all. They generally know their limit, probably because they loathe losing self-control. When they get over-refreshed, expect flirting to ensue -- and perhaps not with the one who they were with :) But Leo's not the type to break rules even when drunk, so just try to ignore it (try harder, Cancer) and expect a sheepish (and hung over) Lion to make it up to you the next day.

    VIRGO Drinking style Cerebral Virgos are compelled to impose order onto their bender. Their famously fussy quest for purity could lead to drinking less than other signs, sure --but it could also lead to drinking booze neat, to sucking down organic wine or just to brand loyalty. They rarely get fully shellacked -- but, oh, when they do! Virgo's controlled by the intellect, but there's an unbridled beast lurking within, and they let it loose when walloped. It's dead sexy (and surprisingly unsloppy). As one Virgo friend used to declare, "I'm going to drink myself into a low-level of intelligence tonight." A toast to the sub genius IQ!

    LIBRA Drinking style "I'm jusht a social drinker," slurs Libra, "it's jusht that I'm so damn social?" Libra loves nothing more than to party, mingle and relate to everyone. Whether dipped in favor of Good Libra (with Insta-Frienddevice set to "on") or heavier on the Evil Libra side (they are little instigators when bored), the Scales can really work a room. Charming as they are, Libras are notoriously lacking in self-control, however, which can get them into all sorts of trouble --including wearing their wobbly boots waaaay too early in the evening, flirting with every man/woman in the roomor even blacking out the night's events entirely. Oops!

    SCORPIO Drinking style Don't ever tell Scorpios they've had enough, for they'll smirk at you and quietly but intentionally keep tippling till they're hog-whimpering drunk, out of 100-proof spite. Scorpios like to drink, and screw you if you have a problem with that. Most of them seethe sauce as something to savor in itself, and not asa personality-altering tool -- though if depressed, self-loathing Scorps seek total obliteration. But generally, they're fascinating drinking pals, brilliant conversationalists and dizzying flirts. They also remember everything -- especially what you did when you were blitzed. Only drink with a Scorpio who likes you.

    SAGITTARIUS Drinking style In vino veritas -- and, for Sagittarius, in booze blurtiness: When buttered, they'll spill all your secrets and many of their own. Tactlessness aside, Sagittarius is just plain fun to drink with. This is a sign of serious partying (what else would you expect from the sign of Sinatra, Keith Richards, the Bush twins and Anna Nicole Smith?). They're the people who chat up everyone in the room, then persuade the entire crowd to travel somewhere else -- like a nightclub, or a playground, or Cancun . Good-natured hijinks are sure to ensue (including a high possibility of loopy groping; spontaneous Sag is a brilliant booty call).

    CAPRICORN Drinking style Capricorn is usually described as practical, steadfast, money-hungry and status-thirsty -- no wonder they get left off the astrological cocktail-party list. But this is the sign of David Bowie and Annie Lennox, not to mention Elvis. Capricorn is the true rock star: independent, powerful and seriously charismatic, not too eager to please. And if they make money being themselves, who're you to quibble? But just like most rock stars, they're either totally on or totally off, and they generally need a little social lubricant to loosen up and enjoy the after party, especially if they can hookup with a cute groupie.

    AQUARIUS Drinking style Aquarius and drinking don't go together that well(except for water, that is). They have an innate tendency toward know-it-allism, and if they get an idea while sizzled, they're more stubborn than a stain or a stone. If they're throwing a party or organizing an outing, however, they're too preoccupied with their duties to get combative -- and they make perfectly charming drunks in that case. Fortunately, they're usually capital drink-nursers. They also make the best designated drivers (if you can get them before they start raising their wrist):Aquarius is fascinated by drunk people and capable of holding interesting conversations with soused strangers while sober.

    PISCES Drinking style If you're a Pisces, you've probably already heard that you share a sign and an addictive personality --with Liz Taylor, Lisa Minnelli and Kurt Cobain. Not only do Pisces like to lose themselves in the dreamy, out-there feeling that only hooch can give, but they build up a mighty tolerance fast. Who needs an expensive date like that? On the other hand, they're fabulously enchanting partners, whether in conversation or in crime. With the right Pisces, you can start out sharing a pitcher of margaritas and windup in bed together for days. The phrase "addictive personality" can be read two ways, you know. ...


    [​IMG]
     
  19. Azikiwe

    Azikiwe Senior Member

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    Dec 29, 2009
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    nini tena??????? Banabana!!!!!!
     
  20. Ngambo Ngali

    Ngambo Ngali JF-Expert Member

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    Jan 5, 2010
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    [FONT=&quot][I[/FONT] [FONT=&quot][​IMG][/FONT][FONT=&quot]MG]file:///C:/Users/M032B%7E1.KMP/AppData/Local/Temp/msohtml1/01/clip_image001.jpg[/IMG][/FONT]
     
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