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Baked Beans!

Discussion in 'Jokes/Utani + Udaku/Gossips' started by SMU, Apr 1, 2009.

  1. SMU

    SMU JF-Expert Member

    #1
    Apr 1, 2009
    Joined: Feb 14, 2008
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    One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love. When it became apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.

    Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband and told him that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I passed by a small d iner and the odour of baked beans was more than I could stand. With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans.

    All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas.

    Upon my arrival, my husband seemed excited to see! me and exclaimed delightedly:

    "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight."

    He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and went to answer the call.

    The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure as becoming most unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously.

    Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage.

    Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few minute s.

    The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the telephone farewells signalled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself.

    My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband returned, apologizing for taking so long. He asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured him I had not.

    At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated
    around the table chorused: "Happy Birthday!"


    I fainted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:D
     
  2. K

    Kituko JF-Expert Member

    #2
    Apr 5, 2009
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    hii kiboko mkuu, alijua yuko pekeyake alikuwa anajiachia kwa rahaa zake
     
  3. L

    LaVerite Member

    #3
    Apr 5, 2009
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    Duh!!!
     
  4. Timtim

    Timtim JF-Expert Member

    #4
    Apr 5, 2009
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    Hii kali. Duh sasa ikawaje. Ehh! Hebu tutafakari na tutoe mchango what happened baada ya hapo birth day dinner ilikuwa smooth??
     
  5. Isaac

    Isaac JF-Expert Member

    #5
    Apr 5, 2009
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    Bora hata alizimia!
     
  6. Mbu

    Mbu JF-Expert Member

    #6
    Apr 6, 2009
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    ...maneno mtu 'akichafua hewa' kwenye lifti bana,...
     
  7. N

    Nesindiso Sir JF-Expert Member

    #7
    Apr 6, 2009
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    teheteheee
     
  8. SMU

    SMU JF-Expert Member

    #8
    Apr 6, 2009
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    Ndio ukute katika hao wageni kuna wakwe zako pia! Inakuwa soo kinoma!
     
  9. Abdulhalim

    Abdulhalim JF-Expert Member

    #9
    Apr 6, 2009
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    Hapo hamna noma yeyote, ndio kibinadamu hivyo..nyie vp bana?
     
  10. SMU

    SMU JF-Expert Member

    #10
    Apr 6, 2009
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    Mara nyingi watu hupenda 'kupumua' kwenye faragha kidogo! Sasa hii mbele ya watu, halafu harufu ilivyo kali hata yeye anipepea na kitambaa:)!
     
  11. Abdulhalim

    Abdulhalim JF-Expert Member

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    Angekuwa anaoufahamu ya kuwa kuna watu karibu hapo ungekuwa unayo haki ya kumbebesha lawama. Hayo ni maoni yangu tu.
     
  12. SMU

    SMU JF-Expert Member

    #12
    Apr 6, 2009
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    Hatuwezi kumlaumu! Najaribu tu ku-empathize/sympathize aibu aliyoipata! Kumbuka yeye ndio 'mama mwenye nyumba'!
     
  13. IronBroom

    IronBroom JF-Expert Member

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    Apr 7, 2009
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    Mkuu kwa hii unastahili tuzo ya ucheshi hapa JF..............
     
  14. M

    Mwanzahome Member

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    Apr 30, 2009
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    Nimecheka sina mbavu, Du balaa tupu!
     
  15. DMussa

    DMussa JF-Expert Member

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    May 4, 2009
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    This made my day!!!
    Mkuu hii si mchezo...
     
  16. F

    Fernandes Rodri JF-Expert Member

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    May 4, 2009
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    hii noma mwanangu, lakini ndio ukubwa huo , inabidi ule ngumu
     
  17. M

    Mwanzahome Member

    #17
    May 4, 2009
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    kuachia shuzi hamna noma, ila noma ni pale unapojua uko peke yako, then unaachia mashuzi kwa staili ya kipekee (kuinua **** moja na kulipua shuzi), mwisho unagundua washkaji walikuwa wamenyuti wanakupimia tu huku wanakula hewa kali! na hata sijui jamaa walifichaje kicheko!
     
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