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Badili, Jiondoe au kubali matokeo…

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by JamiiForums, May 17, 2012.

  1. JamiiForums

    JamiiForums Official Robot Staff Member

    #1
    May 17, 2012
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    Original poster - Mtambuzi | May 14, 2012

    BADILI: Unapojikuta kwenye hali usiyoipenda, unaweza kufanya jitihada za kuibadili au kubadili mtazamo wako kuhusu hali hiyo. Ikiwa uko katika uhusiano unaodhani haukusaidii kwa mfano, unaweza kwenda kwa washauri nasaha, unaweza kuzungumza na mwenzi wako na kujaribu kuufanya uhusiano huo uwe bora zaidi ama waweza kubadili mtazamo wako wa namna uhusiano wenye faida unavyotakiwa kuwa.

    Mara nyingi huu ni uchaguzi mgumu sana kuufanya kwa sababu inaweza ikalazimu kumkabili mtu mwingine kutoka katika tabia isiyo na faida kwako. Kubadilika kunatuondoa kwenye nafasi yetu tuliyoizoea na ambayo tunaiona inatufariji na kunahitaji ujasiri mkubwa kufanya hivyo.

    Kuamua kuacha kumtegemea mpenzi kukupa furaha na kutafuta furaha kutoka vyanzo vyenye kuaminika zaidi siyo jambo rahisi, lakini ni muhimu.

    JIONDOE: Kama umeshindwa kubadili hali kwa sababu yoyote ile umeshindwa kumfanya mtu abadili tabia yake kwa mfano, ni bora kujiondoa, ondoka kabisa. Kujiondoa kunakufanya uondokane na hali isiyofurahisha na kunasafisha njia kwako kwa ajili ya kuchagua jambo jingine mbadala. Ni wazi,watu wengi hukimbilia kuchagua njia hii, hukimbilia kujiondoa kwa sababu huogopa sana kujaribu njia ya kwanza ya kubadili hali ama kubadilika wao wenyewe.

    Lakini ingawa kukimbilia hatua hii bila kujaribu ya kwanza si busara, kuna wakati ambapo kujiondoa ni hatua pekee ifaayo kuchukua. Hata hii nayo inahitaji ujasiri mkubwa kwa sababu, mara nyingi akili zetu hutuweka katika nafasi ya kutumia methali ya ‘Zimwi likujualo’ kama utetezi wa kuendelea kuvumilia madhila yasiyo muhimu tunayokumbana nayo.

    KUBALI: hatua ya mwisho unayoweza kuchukua kukubali. Ziko hali ambazo huwezi kuzibadili na kukwepa ukweli wa jambo hilo, ni sawa na wendawazimu. Hebu mfikirie mfungwa wa kisiasa kama ilivyokuwa kwa mzee Nelson Mandela wa Afrika Kusini na wenzake. Wakati alipokuwa akishikiliwa jela, asingeweza kuibadili hali ile, wala asingeweza kuamua kuondoka. Hakuna jingine aliloweza kufanya ila kukubali hali halisi na kufanya kila analoweza kuishi katika hali hiyo. Kuna wakati kukubali linakuwa ni chaguo la kwanza tunalopaswa kuelekeza macho yetu, wakati tukiwa tunafikiria njia bora ya kubadili hali au kujiondoa.

    Nina hakika kila mtu anapotazama mambo yanayozunguka maisha yake, atakutana na moja ambalo haridhishwi nalo kwa asilimia 100. Utafanya nini kushughulikia hilo, utajaribu kubadili hali au mtazamo wako wa hali? Uko tayari kujiondoa ikiwa una hakika huwezi kubadili hali au uko tayari kubadili mtazamo wako kuhusu jambo hilo ili uweze kuendelea nalo? Uko tayari kukubali kile ambacho huna uwezo wa kukibadili na wala huwezi kujiondoa?


    Nafasi ni yako kutumia busara zako kuchagua.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 4, 2016
  2. kookolikoo

    kookolikoo JF-Expert Member

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    ushauri mzuri!

     
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  3. Purple

    Purple JF-Expert Member

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    Well said..
     
  4. King'asti

    King'asti JF-Expert Member

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    Neno hilo Mtambuzi. Hapo kwenye kukubali nadhani inajumuisha na 'ku-adjust'. Mahusiano yanahusisha compromise. Ofcoz kuna vitu ambavyo hupaswi kamwe kukubaliana navyo kama physical and emotional abuse. Lakini ku-adjust ili ku-cope na mwenza ni muhimu sana. And ofcoz it takes two to tangle.
     
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  5. Mbu

    Mbu JF-Expert Member

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    ... Mtambuzi na King'asti mwanadamu si KINYONGA.... ;) hata kinyonga hawezi iga sauti na umbile.
     
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  6. King'asti

    King'asti JF-Expert Member

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    Siku hizi umeanza siasa za mmu moskwito, shauri yako!
    Kitu muhimu sio kubadilika kila wakati, bali ku-adjust. Ntakupa mfano hafifu, kama mwenza anavuta sigara, ukimsihi aache ikashindikana. Maybe mtakubaliana no smoking inside the house? Avutie huko kibarazani. Kukupunguzia kero. Lakini kama unaona hutaki kabisa basi chukua ndogondogo kwani umemzaa weye? Huwezi kumbadili mtu unless anataka kubadilika, na sio kwa ajili yako bali kwa ajili yake mwenyewe. So hakuna ujanja baba, shauri, adjust or take a hike...
    Lol, ngoja nijistue na caffeine kwanza!
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 4, 2016
  7. cartura

    cartura JF-Expert Member

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    mfano mzuri, but mtu anayevuta fegi anataka moyo kweli ku-cope naye cos s/he is always reeking...
     
  8. Mbu

    Mbu JF-Expert Member

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    Mimi hapo nitajiondoa mazima. Sitaki sigara, thats it. Hata akivutia nje, bdo atanuka moshi wake mdomoni, na nguoni.

    Mie siangalii short term pekee, huko mbele ya safari kuna higher risks akaja kunisumbua na gonjwa la saratani ya koo au mapafu.
     
  9. MwanajamiiOne

    MwanajamiiOne Platinum Member

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    Aksante Mtambuzi kwa somo zuri. Ubarikiwe.

    Nikiiangalia hii kiundani naanza kujiuliza ukweli wa zile methali za Penzi ni maua popote huchanua, sijui oh love doesnt ask why n.k ................. hakuna kitu kama hicho si ndio? Nikiangalia mfano wa King'ast na Mbu juu ya kumpenda mvuta sigara, I thought kwa kuwa penzi ni maua popote huchanua wala haliulizi kwa nini, basi hata hili la kumpenda mvuta sigara na kisha kufanya adjustment kama anavyosema Da King'asti linawezekana ...no?
     
  10. Mbu

    Mbu JF-Expert Member

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    ....lol, MwanajamiiOne....ewe soulmate wangu. Nitakufafanulia.

    Katika yale nitayoya justify mapenzini (ukweli "maumivu ya mapenzi" yaanzapo) ni yale yasiyo na hasara kwetu, mfano; yaliyo nje ya uweza wako, kama umejitahidi lakini hujui kabisa mapishi, usahaulifu, nk...

    Haya mapungufu ya "kujitakia" mfano Ulevi, Utoro, Udanganyifu, dharau, nk kwangu mie I cant justify them aisee.... Ni mapungufu makubwa ambayo sidanganyiki "tena" na ahadi ati mtu akishaoa/kuolewa ataacha.

    Mtambuzi, King'asti, sijui nimeeleweka?...u-kinyonga siuwezi mie,....mbu majaaliwa yake kuuma na kupuliza tu.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 4, 2016
  11. MwanajamiiOne

    MwanajamiiOne Platinum Member

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    Okay My Soulmate kwa hiyo point ya kasoro za kujitakia nimekuelewa ingawa ninajiuliza Mbu wangu weye umeniona mie MwanajamiiOne, ukampenda kabla ya kugundua kuwa anavuta sigara! Au kupenda kwako kuna subira mwenzangu? Kuwa unabonyeza kibatabi cha Pause kwamba hebu kwanza mbona Mj1 mwenyewe anavuta sigara?! Hapana simwezi?
     
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  12. Mbu

    Mbu JF-Expert Member

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    ....dahh...

    I bet am in a wrong class. MwanajamiiOne, kwangu mie, mapenzi hayamaanishi ninapenda asb, mchana uchumba, jioni ndoa.

    Mfano; 'emotionally' naweza vutiwa na busara zako hata mwaka hapa jf (hatujuani)...then tukakubaliana kuonana, na hapo huenda kukawa na physical attraction...

    Baada ya hapo mapenzi yanajengwa sehemu ya tatu thru mazoea... Na kujikubalisha. If that wont work, sio lazima tuwe sote bana.

    Relationship ni mjumuisho wa phase mbalimbali kufikia uchumba, au hata ndoa. Huko kote kuna 'start, stop, pause, na re-boot' bana...au? Experience yangu tofauti myb, out of ( ...) girlfriends, ambao kwa sababu mbalimbali tulishindwana and I ended up Marrying my (ex) wife.
     
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  13. Mtambuzi

    Mtambuzi Platinum Member

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    Mbu, binadamu siyo Kinyonga lakini anaweza kubadilika-badilika kama Kinyonga..........................LOL
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 4, 2016
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