Baada ya msiba...handling kids!

[Shishi]

Hope you all doing well. jamani naomba msaada..am not sure this is the right place for this but will go ahead..niwieni radhi!

I lost my elder sister last year.. mwaka mmoja ulitimia July 20th, Mungu amrehemu. Its been hard sana coz of the circumstances which i beg not to discuss. kwanza sikuwa nyumbani so I didn't get to participate in the burial etc etc. sasa dada aliwaacha watoto wawili wakiume, 13 and 11 yrs old. huyo wa 13 yrs seems to be 'coping well'... he has no problem even talking abt his mom.the 11 yr old is very erratic.mara atanyamaza sana na awe hataki kuongea au kucheza au kushirikiana na wenzake. wote kwa sasa wako kwa mamangu (bibi yao), actually even before the death walikuwa wanaishi kwa nyanya yao and only going to visit the mom shule zikufungwa.

hebu nisaidieni niweze kuwasaidia kimawazo. while i want to talk abt it with them..sijui nianzie wapi. How do i let them talk abt thier mom without hurting their feelings. sitaki kusema i know what they are going thro coz i have never been in that situation. kumuhusisha counsellor ni sawa? ama niache tu until it happens naturally. am afriad if we dont openly discuss and talk abt her which is kind of a no go zone right now and especially when the kids are around will have deeper and harder to deal with repercussions.

hebu nipeni ushauri wats the best thing to do here?

 

[MwanajamiiOne]

Duh Shishi pole sana mpenzi but they do say time heals my dia so I would advice you to give it time, these kids have lost one of their closest person and huyo mdogo nadhani its because of that bond ambayo bado anaifeel so please give him time to mourn and when you feel that is enough just ask him if he want to talk about it. Hata ukimhusisha mshauri nadhani will be better kwani hao ndio wanaojua nini cha kufanya, where to touch and what to and not to say.

Again pole sana and I do feel for the kids

 

[MzalendoHalisi]

Pole sana,

watoe outing beach..waende kuogelea na wenzao..na wakiwa relaxed ongea nao pole pole!

Je ni muhimu kuongelea mama yao sasa wakati watoto wadogo?? may be waache wawe na akili za kiutu uzima kwanza!

 

[Ledwin]

Pole sana na msiba,mimi nilifiwa na mzazi wangu early last yr na ni mtu mzima bado inaniuma.
Kwanza ukiwa nao ongea nao kwa upendo na uwaambie mama yuko heaven ,Mungu amempenda amemchukua,lakini anawapenda sana na anawaombea kila siku,pia wasisitizie mama atafurahi akiwaona wana furaha.
Pia muwaingage kwenye activities nyingi,mfano shule-football,girlguides,etc nafikiri unanielewa,wataalam wanasema kufiwa na mama inaweza ikacause damage kubwa sana kama haitachukuliwa kwa makinimii nlishauriwa nifanye kitu kipya ,mfano,kurudi darasani kusoma kitu kipya,or kuanza GYM,etc kwa mimi imekuwa rahisi kuanza kitu kipya ,na kuongea na watu waliofiwa pia inaleta faraja kidogo.

so kwa watoto pia waingage kwenye mambo ya dini pia,na muwe mnaongea/muwe karibu nao sana.

 

[Liz Senior]

Shishi pole sana. Hali hii ni ngumu na pengine hata wewe mwenyewe bado unaumizwa sana na msiba huu ndio maana hata kwako ni vigumu kujua uanzie wapi.

Ushauri wangu kwa uzoefu mdogo ilionao kwani nilijikuta katika hali ya kutakiwa kusaidia watoto wa umri mdogo zaidi ya hao kuelewa na kupokea vifo vya wazazi wote wawili ni kuwa kwanza jaribu sana kuwasaidia kuuliza maswali yanayowasumbua kuhusu pengo lao. Encourage them to ask questions....wanayo mengi...maswali kama kwanini mama yangu mimi ndio amefariki? Wenzangu shuleni wananionaje? Utashangaa kuwa watoto wanafikiri yote haya. Si kwamba wanatatizo na kifo chenyewe bali pale wenzao na walimu shuleni wanapowa "handle with care" mara nyingine inawashtua. Hata familia na marafiki wanavyowachukulia inawatisha ni jambo jipya kwao.

Jitahidi sana kuwa jirani yao kwani wanahitaji mtu wanaeweza kuamini will be there for them, hata kama mama yao walikuwa wanmuona wakati wa likizo bado they knew yupo mahali tayari kwa ajili yao...so you need to create that feeling for them

 

[Bishanga]

Shishi,ni loss kubwa sana to lose a parent,such a tragic experience. The way I see it handling yake haina formula and I know exactly why I am saying this kwa sababu mimi ni veteran wa misukosuko ya kufiwa na wazazi,ndugu,wenza,say it kote nimepitia.Indeed hata kulea kwenyewe pia hakuna formula. Binadamu humu duniani kila mtu anakuja kivyake vyake kama vile ambavyo kila mmoja wetu anaondoka kivyake vyake. You try your best kumsaidia mtoto na bado matokeo yanakuwa usivyotarajia.My best advice katika ku handle watoto follow your instinct,ukiitrust itakuongoza vizuri.

 

[BAK]

Hope you all doing well. jamani naomba msaada..am not sure this is the right place for this but will go ahead..niwieni radhi!

I lost my elder sister last year.. mwaka mmoja ulitimia July 20th, Mungu amrehemu. Its been hard sana coz of the circumstances which i beg not to discuss. kwanza sikuwa nyumbani so I didn't get to participate in the burial etc etc. sasa dada aliwaacha watoto wawili wakiume, 13 and 11 yrs old. huyo wa 13 yrs seems to be 'coping well'... he has no problem even talking abt his mom.the 11 yr old is very erratic.mara atanyamaza sana na awe hataki kuongea au kucheza au kushirikiana na wenzake. wote kwa sasa wako kwa mamangu (bibi yao), actually even before the death walikuwa wanaishi kwa nyanya yao and only going to visit the mom shule zikufungwa.

hebu nisaidieni niweze kuwasaidia kimawazo. while i want to talk abt it with them..sijui nianzie wapi. How do i let them talk abt thier mom without hurting their feelings. sitaki kusema i know what they are going thro coz i have never been in that situation. kumuhusisha counsellor ni sawa? ama niache tu until it happens naturally. am afriad if we dont openly discuss and talk abt her which is kind of a no go zone right now and especially when the kids are around will have deeper and harder to deal with repercussions.

hebu nipeni ushauri wats the best thing to do here?

Pole sana Shishi kwa msiba mkubwa uliokufika. Mbona hukutwambia hapa jamvini ili tuomboleze pamoja nawe? Kwa maoni yangu kwa sasa hakuna sababu yoyote ya wewe kufanya haraka kuongea nao kuhusu kifo cha mama yao mpendwa.

Tafuta nafasi ili tu kutoka nao nje katika sehemu zenye burudani za watoto ili wakafurahi huko kadri watakavyoweza kufurahi. Ile wao kuwa na furaha tu kama watoto wengine pamoja na pengo kubwa katika maisha yao inaweza kusaidia sana na labda kuwapunguzia wote majonzi makubwa waliyokuwa nayo na labda wao wenyewe wakaanza kuongea zaidi kuhusu msiba uliowafika.

Watoto kufiwa na mama yao hasa wakiwa bado na umri mdogo ni msiba mkubwa mno, hata watu wazima huwa na majonzi mazito sana wanapofiwa na wazazi wao sasa fikiria kwa watoto ambao walikuwa bado wanayahitaji sana mapenzi ya mama yao. Kwa mara nyingine tena pole sana.

 

[Bluray]

Shishi,

i second mzalendohalisi hapo juu.

Action talks louder than words.Ukiwa nao na kuwaonyesha unawapenda - even though you could never replace their mom- utawapa faraja sana itakayowasaidia ku cope.By the way hata huyo mkubwa aliye 13 years old anahitaji upendo swa tu ili a cope, ingawa kwa nje anaonekana kuweza ku cope zaidi ya huyo mdogo.

 

[Shishi]

Pole sana Shishi kwa msiba mkubwa uliokufika. Mbona hukutwambia hapa jamvini ili tuomboleze pamoja nawe? Kwa maoni yangu kwa sasa hakuna sababu yoyote ya wewe kufanya haraka kuongea nao kuhusu kifo cha mama uao mpendwa.

Tafuta nafasi ili tu kutoka nao nje katika sehemu zenye burudani za watoto ili wakafurahi huko kadri watakavyoweza kufurahi. Ile wao kuwa na furaha tu kama watoto wengine pamoja na pengo kubwa katika maisha yao inaweza kusaidia sana na labda kuwapunguzia wote majonzi makubwa waliyokuwa nayo na labda wao wenyewe wakaanza kuongea zaidi kuhusu msiba uliowafika.

Watoto kufiwa na mama yao hasa wakiwa bado na umri mdogo ni msiba mkubwa mno, hata watu wazima huwa na majonzi mazito sana wanapofiwa na wazazi wao sasa fikiria kwa watoto ambao walikuwa bado wanayahitaji sana mapenzi ya mama yao. Kwa mara nyingine tena pole sana.

Thanks BAK, hata kwangu mpaka leo siwezi kuzungumzia kuhusu kifo chake bila kupata a huge lump in my throat...huwa nakaa na kulia tu sometimes when i think abt her and the kids esp. ndo hapo pananishinda kuzungumza nao watoto. huwezi kum replace mama ya mtu wajua and so i find it difficult to start the topic. I just hope that huyu mdogo hatokuwa affected irreversibly. maisha yenyewe haya! duh!

 

[BAK]

Thanks BAK, hata kwangu mpaka leo siwezi kuzungumzia kuhusu kifo chake bila kupata a huge lump in my throat...huwa nakaa na kulia tu sometimes when i think abt her and the kids esp. ndo hapo pananishinda kuzungumza nao watoto. huwezi kum replace mama ya mtu wajua and so i find it difficult to start the topic. I just hope that huyu mdogo hatokuwa affected irreversibly. maisha yenyewe haya! duh!

Pole sana Shishi! Mungu ailaze roho ya marehemu mahali pema peponi. Jitahidi kadri ya uwezo wako kuwapa upendo hao watoto, Mwenyezi Mungu atakusaidia~AMIN

 

[Shishi]

Shishi,ni loss kubwa sana to lose a parent,such a tragic experience. The way I see it handling yake haina formula and I know exactly why I am saying this kwa sababu mimi ni veteran wa misukosuko ya kufiwa na wazazi,ndugu,wenza,say it kote nimepitia.Indeed hata kulea kwenyewe pia hakuna formula. Binadamu humu duniani kila mtu anakuja kivyake vyake kama vile ambavyo kila mmoja wetu anaondoka kivyake vyake. You try your best kumsaidia mtoto na bado matokeo yanakuwa usivyotarajia.My best advice katika ku handle watoto follow your instinct,ukiitrust itakuongoza vizuri.

Ahsante sana kwa ushauri wako an pole pia kwa hiyo msuko suko...wajua mpaka likupate ndio likushtue huwezi kufahamu the emotions that go with it. mimi nilkuwa sijawahi kufiwa na mtu close . this is how close it came and esp watoto wenyewe ndio huwa wananitia huzuni sana! sijui wat goes on in their minds and i cnat change what happened. but i want to try and 'fix' some of the damage that may occur. kama mie bado sijaweza kucope hao watoto nao watakuwa very confused and angry.

 

[Shishi]

Shishi pole sana. Hali hii ni ngumu na pengine hata wewe mwenyewe bado unaumizwa sana na msiba huu ndio maana hata kwako ni vigumu kujua uanzie wapi.

Ushauri wangu kwa uzoefu mdogo ilionao kwani nilijikuta katika hali ya kutakiwa kusaidia watoto wa umri mdogo zaidi ya hao kuelewa na kupokea vifo vya wazazi wote wawili ni kuwa kwanza jaribu sana kuwasaidia kuuliza maswali yanayowasumbua kuhusu pengo lao. Encourage them to ask questions....wanayo mengi...maswali kama kwanini mama yangu mimi ndio amefariki? Wenzangu shuleni wananionaje? Utashangaa kuwa watoto wanafikiri yote haya. Si kwamba wanatatizo na kifo chenyewe bali pale wenzao na walimu shuleni wanapowa "handle with care" mara nyingine inawashtua. Hata familia na marafiki wanavyowachukulia inawatisha ni jambo jipya kwao.

Jitahidi sana kuwa jirani yao kwani wanahitaji mtu wanaeweza kuamini will be there for them, hata kama mama yao walikuwa wanmuona wakati wa likizo bado they knew yupo mahali tayari kwa ajili yao...so you need to create that feeling for them

Ahsante sana.. ni kweli hata mie sijaamini sijui ni kutoamini au nikuiteje? sasa hata hapa nikisoma hizi posts tears swell..its that bad. najaribu sana kumake sure they dont lack antything that thier mom provided esp material things. lakini emotionla needs ni vigumu kwangu...though i really wnat to talk to them.

 

[Katabazi]

Doooh!Pole sana Shishi,lakini ya Bishanga ndio BABU KUBWA!
Jamani hivi councelling ina maana haifanyagi kazi in such situations?
La mwisho naomba kuuliza hivi mtu huwezi kujitayarisha i.e ukaji condition kuwa in case I loose my parents tis is the wa I should behave and act?Maana huwa naona hta watu wazime-wazee,wanahaha to the extent kama sio kusaidiwa huwa naona kama wanafanya decissions za ajabu?