And here is another one.........

[daughter]

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.

After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip." So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door;

1. Sip the vodka, don’t gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7. The Father, The Son and The Holy Spirit are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.
8. David slew Goliath; he did not kick the shit out of him.
9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don’t say he was stoned off his ass.
10. We do not refer to the cross as the big ‘T’
11. When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper, he said ‘Take this and eat it for it is my body’, he did not say ‘Eat me’.
12. Next Sunday there will be a Taffy pulling contest at St. Peter’s not a Peter pulling contest at St. Taffy’s.

 

[JM Aristotle]

Teh... teh...teh
Very funny!!!
Thanx for sharing it...

 

[StaffordKibona]

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.

After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip." So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door;

1. Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7. The Father, The Son and The Holy Spirit are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.
8. David slew Goliath; he did not kick the shit out of him.
9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
10. We do not refer to the cross as the big ‘T'
11. When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper, he said ‘Take this and eat it for it is my body', he did not say ‘Eat me'.
12. Next Sunday there will be a Taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's not a Peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

I like your AVATAR na umenifanya nicheke baada BIFU la leo asubuhi na my wife

 

[Nanu]

Thank you, I loughed!!

 

[futikamba]

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.

After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip." So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door;

1. Sip the vodka, don’t gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7. The Father, The Son and The Holy Spirit are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.
8. David slew Goliath; he did not kick the shit out of him.
9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don’t say he was stoned off his ass.
10. We do not refer to the cross as the big ‘T’
11. When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper, he said ‘Take this and eat it for it is my body’, he did not say ‘Eat me’.
12. Next Sunday there will be a Taffy pulling contest at St. Peter’s not a Peter pulling contest at St. Taffy’s.

LOL! you made my day....:becky: