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Affairs

Discussion in 'Jokes/Utani + Udaku/Gossips' started by Masaki, Apr 6, 2011.

  1. Masaki

    Masaki JF-Expert Member

    #1
    Apr 6, 2011
    Joined: Mar 7, 2006
    Messages: 3,464
    Likes Received: 129
    Trophy Points: 160
    The 1st Affair

    A married man was having an affair


    With his secretary.


    One day they went to her place


    And made love all afternoon.


    Exhausted, they fell asleep


    And woke up at 8 PM.


    The man hurriedly dressed


    And told his lover to take his shoes


    Outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.


    He put on his shoes and drove home.


    'Where have you been?' his wife demanded.


    'I can't lie to you,' he replied,


    'I'm having an affair with my secretary.


    We had sex all afternoon.'


    She looked down at his shoes and said:


    'You lying bastard!


    You've been playing golf!'






    The 2nd Affair


    A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters


    But always talked about having a son.


    They decided to try one last time


    For the son they always wanted.


    The wife got pregnant


    And delivered a healthy baby boy.


    The joyful father rushed to the nursery


    To see his new son.


    He was horrified
    at the ugliest child

    He had ever seen.


    He told his wife: 'There's no way I can

    Be the father of this baby.


    Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!


    Have you been fooling around behind my back?'


    The wife smiled sweetly and replied:


    'Not this time!'





    The 3rd Affair


    A mortician was working late one night.


    He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz,


    About to be cremated,


    And made a startling discovery.


    Schwartz had the largest private part


    He had ever seen!


    'I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz,' the mortician


    Commented, 'I can't allow you to be cremated


    With such an impressive private part.


    It must be saved for posterity.'


    So, he removed it,


    Stuffed it into his briefcase,


    And took it home


    'I have something to show


    You won't believe,' he said to his wife,


    Opening his briefcase.


    'My God!' the wife exclaimed,


    'Schwartz is dead!'





    The 4th Affair


    A woman was in bed with her lover


    When she heard her husband


    Opening the front door.


    'Hurry,' she said, 'stand in the corner.'


    She rubbed baby oil all over him,


    Then dusted him with talcum powder.


    'Don't move until I tell you,'


    She said, 'pretend you're a statue.'


    'What's this?' the husband inquired


    As he entered the room.


    'Oh it's a statue,' she replied,


    'the Smiths bought one and I liked it


    So I got one for us, too.'


    No more was said,


    Not even when they went to bed.


    Around 2 AM the husband got up,


    Went to the kitchen and returned


    With a sandwich and a beer.


    'Here,' he said to the statue, have this.


    I stood like that for two days at the Smiths


    And nobody offered me a damned thing.'





    The 5th Affair


    A man walked into a cafe,


    Went to the bar and ordered a beer.


    'Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent.'


    'One Cent?' the man exclaimed.


    He glanced at the menu and asked:


    'How much for a nice juicy steak


    And a bottle of wine?'


    'A nickel,' the barman replied.


    'A nickel?' exclaimed the man.


    'Where's the guy who owns this place?'


    The bartender replied:


    'Upstairs, with my wife.'


    The man asked: 'What's he doing upstairs


    With your wife?'


    The bartender replied:


    'The same thing
    I'm doing

    To his business down here
    .'




    The 6th Affair


    Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.


    He looked up and said weakly:


    'I have something I must confess.'


    'There's no need to, 'his wife replied.


    'No,' he insisted,


    'I want to die in peace.


    I slept with your sister, your best friend,


    Her best friend, and your mother!'


    'I know,' she replied,


    'now just rest and let the poison work.'
     
  2. Katavi

    Katavi Platinum Member

    #2
    Apr 6, 2011
    Joined: Aug 31, 2009
    Messages: 37,631
    Likes Received: 2,814
    Trophy Points: 280
    Ahahahaah! Hiyo 6th affair imetulia.
     
  3. Mshume Kiyate

    Mshume Kiyate JF-Expert Member

    #3
    Apr 6, 2011
    Joined: Feb 27, 2011
    Messages: 6,774
    Likes Received: 19
    Trophy Points: 135
    AHAHAHAHA KARIIII:hand:
     
  4. P

    Pokola JF-Expert Member

    #4
    Apr 6, 2011
    Joined: Jul 16, 2010
    Messages: 714
    Likes Received: 8
    Trophy Points: 35
    Teh, Ruwa ko Mangyi!!
     
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