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Affair

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by Pearl, Feb 11, 2010.

  1. Pearl

    Pearl JF-Expert Member

    #1
    Feb 11, 2010
    Joined: Nov 25, 2009
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    WHICH ONE DO YOU PREFEER?
    The 1st Affair

    A married man was having an affair
    With his secretary.
    One day they went to her place
    And made love all afternoon.
    Exhausted, they fell asleep
    And woke up at 8 PM.
    The man hurriedly dressed
    And told his lover to take his shoes
    Outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.
    He put on his shoes and drove home.
    "Where have you been?" his wife demanded.
    "I can't lie to you," he replied,
    "I'm having an affair with my secretary.
    We had 5ex all afternoon."
    She looked down at his shoes and said:
    "You lying ba5tard!
    You've been playing golf!"
    The 2nd Affair

    A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son.
    They decided to try one last time
    For the son they always wanted.
    The wife got pregnant
    And delivered a healthy baby boy.
    The joyful father rushed to the nursery
    To see his new son.
    He was horrified
    At the ugliest child he had ever seen.
    He told his wife: "There's no way I can be the father of this baby.
    Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!
    Have you been fooling around behind my back?"
    The wife smiled sweetly and replied:
    "Not this time!"

    The 3rd Affair

    A mortician was working late one night.
    He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz,
    About to be cremated,
    And made a startling discovery..
    Schwartz had the largest private part
    He had ever seen!
    "I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz," the mortician commented, "I can't allow you to be cremated
    With such an impressive private part.
    It must be saved for posterity."
    So, he removed it,
    Stuffed it into his briefcase,
    And took it home
    "I have something to show
    You won't believe," he said to his wife,
    Opening his briefcase.
    "My God!" the wife exclaimed,
    "Schwartz is dead!"

    The 4th Affair

    A woman was in bed with her lover
    When she heard her husband
    Opening the front door.
    "Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner."
    She rubbed baby oil all over him,
    Then dusted him with talcum powder.
    "Don't move until I tell you,"
    She said, " pretend you're a statue."
    "What's this?" the husband inquired
    As he entered the room.
    "Oh it's a statue," she replied,
    "the Smiths bought one and I liked it
    So I got one for us, too."
    No more was said,
    Not even when they went to bed.
    Around 2 AM the husband got up,
    Went to the kitchen and returned
    With a sandwich and a beer.
    "Here," he said to the statue, have this.
    I stood like that for two days at the Smiths
    And nobody offered me a damned thing."

    The 5th Affair

    A man walked into a cafe,
    Went to the bar and ordered a beer.
    "Certainly, Sir , that'll be one cent."
    "One Cent?" the man exclaimed.
    He glanced at the menu and asked:
    "How much for a nice juicy steak
    And a bottle of wine?"
    "A nickel," the barman replied.
    "A nickel?" exclaimed the man.
    "Where's the guy who owns this place?"
    The bartender replied:
    "Upstairs, with my wife."
    The man asked: "What's he doing upstairs
    With your wife?"
    The bartender replied:
    "The same thing
    I'm doing to his business down here."

    The 6th Affair


    Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.
    He looked up and said weakly:
    "I have something I must confess."
    "There's no need to, " his wife replied.
    "No," he insisted,
    "I want to die in peace.
    I slept with your sister, your best friend,
    Her best friend, and your mother!"
    "I know," she replied,
    " now just rest
    And let the poison work."

     
  2. The Boss

    The Boss JF-Expert Member

    #2
    Feb 11, 2010
    Joined: Aug 18, 2009
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    the 3rd affair is the best......
     
  3. Pearl

    Pearl JF-Expert Member

    #3
    Feb 11, 2010
    Joined: Nov 25, 2009
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    Ah ah ah boss ww!
     
  4. The Boss

    The Boss JF-Expert Member

    #4
    Feb 11, 2010
    Joined: Aug 18, 2009
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    jinsi ulivyoisema hiyo ahh ahh ahh..
    umenikumbusha mbaaali....
     
  5. Pearl

    Pearl JF-Expert Member

    #5
    Feb 11, 2010
    Joined: Nov 25, 2009
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    Mbali wapi ndugu
     
  6. PakaJimmy

    PakaJimmy JF-Expert Member

    #6
    Feb 11, 2010
    Joined: Apr 29, 2009
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    Nimezipenda zote.,
    Kumbe sometimes wanawakeukimwambia ukweli ndo anaona unadanganya!
    Poor women!
     
  7. The Boss

    The Boss JF-Expert Member

    #7
    Feb 11, 2010
    Joined: Aug 18, 2009
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    mbaaaliii.
     
  8. Bujibuji

    Bujibuji JF-Expert Member

    #8
    Feb 11, 2010
    Joined: Feb 4, 2009
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    THERENGETITHERENGETI MTUNDU SANA WEWE.
    NIMEIPENDA SANA HII, INAITWA NJUNJI UNJUNJWE.
    The 5th Affair

    A man walked into a cafe,
    Went to the bar and ordered a beer.
    "Certainly, Sir , that'll be one cent."
    "One Cent?" the man exclaimed.
    He glanced at the menu and asked:
    "How much for a nice juicy steak
    And a bottle of wine?"
    "A nickel," the barman replied.
    "A nickel?" exclaimed the man.
    "Where's the guy who owns this place?"
    The bartender replied:
    "Upstairs, with my wife."
    The man asked: "What's he doing upstairs
    With your wife?"
    The bartender replied:
    "The same thing
    I'm doing to his business down here."
     
  9. Pearl

    Pearl JF-Expert Member

    #9
    Feb 11, 2010
    Joined: Nov 25, 2009
    Messages: 3,043
    Likes Received: 17
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    Duh hiyo lugha sijawahi kuiskia
     
  10. Pearl

    Pearl JF-Expert Member

    #10
    Feb 11, 2010
    Joined: Nov 25, 2009
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    Sio wote tunadanganywa dia mm mwenyewe muongo utanidanganya nn?
     
  11. Bujibuji

    Bujibuji JF-Expert Member

    #11
    Feb 11, 2010
    Joined: Feb 4, 2009
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    nikitaka kukudanganya nakuombea kwanza pepo la uongo likutoke kisha nakubonda bonge la uongo.
     
  12. Pearl

    Pearl JF-Expert Member

    #12
    Feb 11, 2010
    Joined: Nov 25, 2009
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    Ah ah ah uncle bwana,mm mwenyewe nakuombea usinidanganye ili nikikudanganya usijue nimekudanganya,yani am watching a muvi this xmass now
     
  13. Devils Advocate

    Devils Advocate Member

    #13
    Feb 11, 2010
    Joined: Dec 16, 2009
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    i vote the fourth
     
  14. Kiranja Mkuu

    Kiranja Mkuu JF-Expert Member

    #14
    Feb 18, 2010
    Joined: Feb 18, 2010
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    Zote ziko hot
     
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