A Parody of Presidential Eloquence - Kejeli ya Umahiri wa Rais katika Lugha

[MaryGeorge]

Nilishangaa aloongea hayo akashangiliwa nikjua kweli watanzania tunasahau na kudanganywa kirahisi, juzi tu NEC ya ccm Kikwete akiwa mwenyekiti wake ilitoa tamko kuwa ni busara dowans kulipwa na leo hii anakuja na habari nyingine tunashangilia? Kweli Tanzania imefumbwa macho![/QUOTE]

Na Tanzania imefumbwa macho na Mwenge wa Uhuru unaopitishwa kila kona ya nchi hii - Mwenge wa enzi za Mwalimu sio sawa na wa sasa hivi - Watanzania SIJUI, labda Mwenyezi Mungu tu aingilie kati.

 

[MaryGeorge]

whack poem, not quite creative

WHY DONT YOU TRY TO BECOME CREATIVE YOURSELF BY SHARING "WHATEVER" CREATIVE POEM YOU HAVE WRITTEN? - Toa boriti jichoni mwako kwanza kabla ya kutoa kwa mwenzako.

 

[WildCard]

Yanafanana na ya Monica Lewinsky na Bill Clinton. Kwa kuwa Tanzania ipo, ipo siku yatajulikana vizuri haya.

 

[makoye2009]

Tz mi siijui, karne ni nini, nasema sijui

Kama Rais KIWETE HAJUI KILA KITU kuhusiana na RICH-DOWANS kulingana na ushairi mahiri wa Mzee Mwanakijiji inaonyesha kuwa Rais wetu wa Tanzania HAJUI MAMBO MENGI SANA na ndiyo maana anaongoza nchi hii kwa kubahatisha. Huko CCM kwenyewe walishajua UDHAIFU WA KIWETE na ndiyo maana WANAMPA TAARIFA ZA UONGO KWA SABABU HAKUNA ANACHOJUA. NI RAIS MBUMBUMBU MZUNGU WA RELI.Kwa kifupi ni kwamba KIWETE nchi imemshinda!

Nasikitika kusema kwamba hata humu ndani ya ukumbi wa JF GREAT THINKERS kuna watu wanasema nao HAWAJUI CHOCHOTE KUHUSU NCHI YAO WENYEWE!!!!!!!!!!!!!Shame on you guys. What don't you know about your Mother country Tanzania??? C'mon men!Please wake up people!!!Don't you see what peoples power is doing in TUNISIA and EGYPT????

Inaniuma sana.

 

[kweleakwelea]

hehe huyu walimpa vipi huzo phds? mwanakijiji hi column isichelewe gazetini!

 

[Sungurampole]

Tunashangaa na la kutokumjua dowans? Kumbuka :msela:alipoulizwa kwanini watanzania ni maskini aljibu nini? SIJUI

 

[WildCard]

Tunashangaa na la kutokumjua dowans? Kumbuka :msela:alipoulizwa kwanini watanzania ni maskini aljibu nini? SIJUI

Rais wetu mgonjwa. Hauwezi kuwa unaanguka na kuamka na akili ileile.

 

[Mohammed Hamad]

Safi sana mkuu I am kinda busy ila umenichokoza area ninayoipenda "ushairi" basi sina budi nikupe japo ubeti mmoja tu na thanks yangu as well.


Twasema sisi wajua, ila wazuga hujui
Wanapotoka wajua, japo wasema hujui
Kama unawafahamu twajua, kama wajua hujui
Twasema wewe wajua, na twajua wajua.

 

[mikatabafeki]

mimi sijui ka huyu ni RAIS au Chekibob,
sijui ka kachaguliwa na kiravu kututumikia sijui,
sijui ka hata anaelewa kua yupo ikulu kufanya nni sijui,
sijui alivoambiwa atakua rais labda na mambo alidhani anatakiwa kuyachukulia kirahisi ka cheo chake kwa kulinganisha lugha

 

[Mohammed Hamad]

mimi sijui ka huyu ni RAIS au Chekibob,
sijui ka kachaguliwa na kiravu kututumikia sijui,
sijui ka hata anaelewa kua yupo ikulu kufanya nni sijui,
sijui alivoambiwa atakua rais labda na mambo alidhani anatakiwa kuyachukulia kirahisi ka cheo chake kwa kulinganisha lugha

Mkuu heshim yako bwana, nadhani its not fair kusema humtambui JK kama ni Rais katiba ikishamtambua basi hakuna mamlaka inayoweza kuhoji unless mpaka hapo katiba itakapokuja kubadilishwa. Kwahiyo nathani ni jambo la busara kuheshimu katiba yetu ambayo wabunge wanaowakilisha vyama vyetu wameapa watailinda wakiwemo wenyeviti wa vyama vya upinzani walioukwaa ubunge refer to Mhe Mbowe, Cheyo and Mrema kati ya hao wote hakuna ambae hakuapa kuwa hatailinda katiba. TAFAKARI.

 

[Companero]

"Kwanza niseme wazi kwamba ule msemo wa wahenga wa akutukanae hakuchagulii tusi hapa umetimia. Napenda kuwahakikishia wana-CCM na wananchi wenzangu kuwa sina uhusiano wowote wa kimaslahi kwa namna yoyote ile na kampuni ya Dowans. Sina hisa zozote wala manufaa yoyote yale. Pia sina ajizi wala kigugumizi cha kuchukua hatua kwa sababu ya rafiki yangu au hata kama angekuwa ndugu yangu kahusika...Ama kweli akutukanae hakuchagulii tusi" - Dkt JK

The Mikocheni Report: I Did Not Have Sexual Relations With That Company...

Remember when Bill Clinton was in the throes of denying his affair with whatsername, the White House intern? Yeah. Tragic, wasn't it? If Bill had just manned up, the world would have been spared all that tedious American puritanism and barely louche jokes about cigars and stained dresses. Decorum, people, is one part savvy and four parts sheer balls.

So, yesterday Jay Kay denied having any sexual relations with Dowans, or knowing anything at all about anything that might be useful to anyone. In a nutshell he said: "I'm clueless. And, I'm powerless too. So don't bother me."

Dude. Seriously? Or, as we say in Bongoland: Duh?! Aiseee....

Sure, we understand plausible deniability. Even understand that Jay Kay was probably not directly involved in the cooking of the Richmondowans books. Because that would take foresight, skill and a certain savoir-faire that we can't accuse Jay Kay of possessing following his recent statements. Hell, TIA: we even understand that it's perfectly acceptable for a rich/powerful/politician dude to throw his friends under the bus for expedience. Sure.

But irrefutable PR disasters? That's just not how we want our Presidents to roll. Which is why I gotta ask: where in the world is the Ikulu Director of Communications? If I held that job (CJ Craig, what what!) and my boss was about to put his foot in his mouth and eat it with ketchup, I would engage him in a flying tackle that would knock his presidential ass out long before he could say anything so damaging to the Office of the Presidency. I mean, c'mon! Half a decade of independence, one pan-african hero, a towering (ahem) international political reputation and our President thinks it's a good idea to come across as a developmentally challenged head of state?

...flying tackle for sure. Because no matter how ignorant you are, as a President and (theoretically) a paramount leader of an independent nation, there is one thing you are not allowed to do: cheerfully admit your fricking incompetence to the world. Jeez, Ikulu: can I buy you a clue?

 

[FarLeftist]

whack poem, not quite creative

then come up with yours and call it 'najua'

 

[tracy]

He who knows not and knows not that he knows not is a fool.(CHINUA)..he will know someday.

 

[Akami]

Ninawapongeza wale wote ambao wameiona hotuba hiyo kuwa ya kinafiki na ya uongo,Watanzania HATUDANGANYIKI!

Hicho kikao cha CC kilichoamua kuwa Dowans walipwe nani alikuwa Mwenyekiti wa hicho kikao?Au atwambie kama na CC haijui!Waziri wa nishati aliwataja hao wanaowasingizia kuwa ndo wamilika wa Dowans,leo hii Rais wake anasema HAWAJUI?Mahakama imesema,aliyepewa mamlaka ya kudai malipo hayo ni Rostam Aziz ambaye ni mjumbe mwezie wa CC,kwa nini hasimuulize ili amwambie hizo hela anazodai kwa niaba ya Dowans,zikishalipwa atawakabidhi akina nani?

KIUJUMLA HOTUBA INAKERA,INACHEFUA!

 

[Ngongo]

Mkuu MM kwanza naomba nikupe hongera nyingi kwa kipande hicho ulichoandika. hii ni kazi ya kiwango cha juu sana kifalsafa, kifasihi na lugha kwa ujumla. umetumia vyombo kadhaa kufikisha ujumbe wako, ambao nao ni matokeo ya tafakari pevu. unazo sifa nyingi na nzito za Great Thinker, and I am not saying it lightly.

Kitu ambacho mimi pia sikijui katika hii Dowans Saga, ni ile trend of events:
1. Msimamo mkali wa serikali ambapo waziri mzima na mwanasheria mkuu mzima, wametoa mwelekeo wa fast tracked payment to Dowans.

2. mwelekeo wa kuonesha kwamba ile tuzo ya Dowans ni matokeo ya uzembe wa spika Sitta, kwamba ni yeye na Mwakyembe ndio wametufikisha hapa. hii ilipingwa vikali sana na Sitta na Mwakyembe, tena kwa kukiuka msingi wa collective responsibility kama mawaziri. hali ya kumlaumu Sitta na bunge lake ilikuwa inahalalisha tuzo hiyo.

3. Kauli ya Chiligati alipoongea na waandishi wa habari mara baada ya CC, ilionesha kabisa mwelekeo wa kuunga mkono tuzo ya Dowans, no question of uhalali wa malipo hayo. hata Pinda alipoongea, hakutilia mashaka uhalali wa malipo. kichekesho zaidi ni kwamba ilionekana CCM inajificha kwenye kivuli cha wanaharakati waliopinga malipo hayo. kwamba bahati nzuri kuna watanzania wamepinga mahakamani. kwa nini effort kubwa itoke kwa wanaharakati badala ya ccm yenyewe?

4. Msimamo wa wabunge wa CCM ulionesha kutofautiana na mwelekeo wa chama. lakini kuna uhalali gani kwamba kikao cha wabunge wa CCM ndio kitoe tafsiri sahihi ya msimamo wa CCM kuhusu Dowans, wakati CC ndio kwa mujibu wa katiba ya CCM chenye madaraka hayo? maana hata Msekwa alinukuliwa akisema kwamba "achana na maamuzi ya CC, msimamo wa kamati ya wabunge wa CCM ndio msimamo wa CCM". inaonekana hapa wanasheria (Mwakyembe etc) walitoa hoja kali za kupinga tuzo hiyo.

5. Kauli ya JK kwamba alichozungumuza Chiligati na Pinda ndio msimamo wake, inaleta utata. chiligati alizungumza kutetea tuzo, kwamba dawa ya deni ni kulipa! pia kwa kiasi fulani Pinda. lakini mwelekeo wa JK katika speech yake inaonesha anataka kusimama pande mbili kwa wakati mmoja. anasema tuangalie mbinu za kukwepa kulipa au kupunguza deni, lakini pia kuna wakati alidokeza kwamba "lakini umeme wao tumetumia".

kwa hiyo inaonekana kwa JK, suala la uhalali wa kulipa halina tatizo! Na hapo ndio kwenye tatizo kubwa. JK, kama ulivyoonesha katika parody, anataka kujificha nyuma ya huruma ya watanzania kwamba katukanwa bila kuchaguliwa matusi yanayomfaa mkuu wa nchi! tena matatizo yake yoote anawalaumu wapinzani ndio wanayasababisha!

Heshima kwako Mindi,

Mkuu itabidi niwaulize wazazi wangu vizuri upo uwezekano wewe ni pacha wangu,hakika ulichoandika ndicho ninachowaza.

 

[Amanikwenu]

Hizo bado ni rasharasha.

 

[kilolambwani]

Inauma na inakera kuwa na Rais ZUMBUKUKU asiyeelewa kitu, na anaowahutubia nao MAZUMBUKUKU wanashangilia. Tutafika kweli? Mbona 2015 ni mbali hivi?

 

[FuturePresident]

Mimi nimekanganyikiwa.
1. Mzee asema Richmond ni ya kitapeli, Mbona hakumuondoa Hosea aliyeitakasa.
2.Akubali Richmond ni ya kitapeli, mbona aliwaacha walioingia mkataba na matapeli wakastaafu tena akiwa ameagizwa na bunge
3. Mzee haijui Dowans, mbona alisema Dowans imezalisha umeme miezi 10, je ni kwa nchi gani na kiongozi gani.
4. Haijui Dowans, sasa vikao vya CC na Wabunge vinajadili nini kama Rais hana habari na kampuni hii.
5. Haijui Dowans, AG na Ngeleja wanamlipa nani mabilioni, Rais asiyoyajua
6. Haijui Dowans, Ngeleja alitutajia akina nani na je alitaja kama Ngeleja au serikali.
7. Haijui Dowans, mbona aliyepewa power of Attorney ni mjumbe wa NEC,CC (refer the East Africa newspaper),hamjui pia!
8.Asema tamko la Chiligati ni lake na serikali, lakini Chiligati alisema CC imeamua kulipa
9. Mzee anasema wanasheria washughulikie, AG Werema anasema hakuna namna lazima tulipe, Ngeleja nasema malipo yameridhiwa nawatalipwa, Sitta asema haiwezekani ni utapeli, Mwakyembe asema ni kuihujumu nchi, PM asema lazima tufuate utaratibu wa utawala bora, Wabunge wa CCM wasema no! PM arejea tutafuata ushauri, Rais amalizia hapendezwi na malipo. Hapa kuna kile kitu kinachoitwa collective responsibility kweli!

Duu!!!! Hii deal mwishowake utakuwa vipi mimi cjuiiiii!!!!!!! Kazi kweli kweli..... kasi zaidi....ari zaidi na kwa nguvu zaidiiiiiiiiiii........

 

[Froida]

Swali La Nyongeza,Wananchi wanataka Kujua Je wewe ni Mzalendo na unapenda nchi yako kwa moyo wako
Kwa kweli Mimi sijui,kama kweli nchi hii ni yangu sijui
kama nimthamini mtanzania sijui,Na kweli sijui kama nahitaji kuwa mkweli sijui
kama ninawaudhi kwa kauli hii sijui,kama mawaziri wangu kwa kuchanganya majibu sijui
Kama niwaombeni radhi kwa kauli hii sijui,Kama mumeathirika na imekula kwenu sijui
Kama nafanya hivi kwa vile namaliza muda wangu sijui kama ndio silka yangu ya uongo sijui

Ninachopenda kuwambia ni Kwamba mUTAJIJU nani aliwaambia munirudishe magogoni
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-ha a ha ha sijui nachekea juu kwa juu mtasema mpaka jua litazama mutsahau kama mulivyosahau mengi tuu

 

[Henge]

kama mnamwonea sijui,
kama ni kweli sijui
very fun!:clap2::clap2::clap2::clap2::clap2::clap2: