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A Parody of Presidential Eloquence - Kejeli ya Umahiri wa Rais katika Lugha

Discussion in 'Jukwaa la Siasa' started by Mzee Mwanakijiji, Feb 6, 2011.

  1. Mzee Mwanakijiji

    Mzee Mwanakijiji Platinum Member

    #1
    Feb 6, 2011
    Joined: Mar 10, 2006
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    A Parody* of Presidential Eloquence – Kejeli ya Umahiri wa Majibu ya Rais
    Na. M. M. Mwanakijjii

    A Parody: (Dictionary.com)
    –noun 1. a humorous or satirical imitation of a serious piece of literature or writing: his hilarious parody of Hamlet's soliloquy.

    2. the genre of literary composition represented by such imitations.

    3. a burlesque imitation of a musical composition.

    4. any humorous, satirical, or burlesque imitation, as of a person, event, etc.

    5. the use in the 16th century of borrowed material in a musical setting of the mass (parody Mass).

    6. a poor or feeble imitation or semblance; travesty: His acting is a parody of his past greatness.





    Swali: Mheshimiwa Rais je unawajua wamiliki wa kampuni ya Dowans?


    Jibu:
    Nasema mimi sijui, ni kina nani sijui,
    Wanatoka wapi sijui, walifikaje sijui,
    Kama nawafahamu sijui, kama wananijua sijui,
    Nasema mimi sijui, tena nasema sijui!


    Swali: Mheshimiwa Rais, lakini waliingia nchini na kupata Mkataba wa Richmond na kuleta majenereta katika kutekeleza mpango wako wa kupunguza tatizo la umeme nchini kweli huwajui?


    Jibu:
    Nasema mimi sijui!, kwanini walikuja sijui,
    Uhusiano wao siujui, Kama nao Richmond sijui,
    Waliingia kwa lipi sijui, na walirithishana vipi sijui
    Nasema mimi sijui, tena nasema sijui!


    Swali: Lakini ulisema kuwa Richmond ni kampuni Hewa kama Kamati ya Mwakyembe ilivyoonesha na kudai, na ukatoa pongezi! Unawaeleza vipi Watanzania kuwa Taifa liko tayari kuheshimu mkataba wa kampuni ya kitapeli?


    Jibu:
    Nasema tena sijui!Kama kampuni hewa sijui,
    Kama ni matapeli sijui, Kama walibebwa sijui,
    Wahusika kina nani sijui, Mwakyembe alijuaje sijui,
    Nasema mimi sijui, tena nasema sijui!




    Tulikoanzia sijui, tumefika vipi sijui,
    Nahusika vipi sijui, nimuulize nani sijui,
    Niwaridhishe vipi sijui, nianzie wapi sijui!
    Nasema mimi sijui, tena nasema sijui!


    Swali: Lakini Rostam Aziz ametajwa kuhusika kuanzia mwanzo wa sakata hili na yeye mwenye amekiri kuhusika na hili kwanini usimuulize ili ujue?


    Jibu:


    Nitamuanza vipi sijui, Rostam huyu sijui,
    Kama mwingine sijui, anahusika vipi sijui
    Nimuamini nani sijui, kama ni kweli sijui!
    Nasema mimi sijui, tena nasema sijui!


    Swali: Lakini, inawezekana vipi usijue wakati una vyombo vingi vya usalama ambavyo vingeweza kukupata taarifa mbalimbali za kiinteligensia kama walivyoweza kuzipata kule Arusha na kuvunja maandamano ya Chadema? Kwanini hujapatiwa taarifa za kiinteligensia kuhusu Dowans?


    Jibu:


    Intelligensia mimi sijui, nani anipe sijui,
    Kwanini wanipe sijui, nifanye nayo nini sijui,
    Wasiponipa sijui, kama nadaganywa sijui,
    Nasema mimi sijui, tena nasema sijui!


    Nani awaagize sijui, kama nini mimi sijui,
    Au makamu sijui, Waziri Mkuu sijui,
    Wajitolee tu sijui, au ni Bunge mimi sijui,
    Nasema mimi sijui, tena nasema sijui!


    Swali: Sasa msimamo wako wewe binafsi kama Rais ni upi, Dowans walipwe au wasilipwe?


    Jibu:


    Msimamo gani sijui! Kama ninao sijui,
    Nilikuwa nao sijui, nitakuwa nao sijui,
    Kama walipwe sijui, na wasilipwe sijui
    Nasema mimi sijui, tena nasema sijui!


    Wizara ilipe sijui, Au Tanesco sijui,
    Au huko hazina sijui, au hapa Ikulu sijui,
    Bunge litenge fedha sijui, au Mahakama sijui,
    Nasema mimi sijui, tena nasema sijui!


    Swali: Sasa mheshimiwa inaonekana hujui mambo mengi tu; kuna mambo mengine yoyote unayoyajua?


    Jibu:
    Kwanini masikini sijui, Kagoda ni nani sijui,
    Meremeta nani sijui, Dipu Grini nani sijui,
    Mbona elimu duni sijui, wanagomea nini sijui
    Nasema mimi sijui, tena nasema sijui!


    Sijui mimi sijui, mengine mengi sijui,
    Ya kilimo siyajui, ya Sayansi siyajui,
    Mambo ya maji sijui, umeme ndiyo sijui
    Nasema mimi sijui, tena nasema sijui!




    Kama napendwa sijui, kama nachukiwa sijui,
    Nafurahiwa sijui, au nakejeliwa sijui,
    Kama ninachekewa sijui, au nakebehiwa sijui
    Nasema mimi sijui, tena nasema sijui!


    Swali: Mheshimiwa swali la mwisho; asante sana kwa kutupa nafasi hii na kwa hakika umetuelewesha na tumeelewa kuwa hujui mambo mengi sana. Labda uwaambie Watanzania, je wewe ni Rais wa Jamhuri ya Muungano wa Tanzania?


    Jibu:


    Sijui mimi sijui, ninarudia sijui,
    Kama miye sijijui, mtajuaje sijui
    Kama najua sijui, kama sijui sijui
    Nasema mimi sijui, tena nasema sijui!


    Na. M. M. Mwanakijiji (Sauti ya Kijiji -BGM)
     
  2. J

    Jasusi JF-Expert Member

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    Kashikwa pabaya!
     
  3. Mtembea_peku

    Mtembea_peku Senior Member

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    ha ha ha u made my weekend,.. M.M..prezdaa tumepata n he z a big joke...
     
  4. VoiceOfReason

    VoiceOfReason JF-Expert Member

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    Umekosea wenzako huwa wanamtayarishia majibu kabisa ili ayasome...
     
  5. Horseshoe Arch

    Horseshoe Arch JF-Expert Member

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    Mkuu MM yumkini kuna mkubwa kuliko huyu Mheshimiwa "sijui" ...ujumbe umefika mkuu!
     
  6. B

    Baruhongerachi Member

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    Hajui kama anaijua Richmond ingawa kiukweli anajua hiyo ni nini na ana MASLAHI NAYO,'you cant lead people by misleading them.'
     
  7. Wacha1

    Wacha1 JF-Expert Member

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    MM

    Thanks bro ... .... ..... ..naona kule Masri mtoto wa Mubarak kaachia ngazi kwenye chama yaani tafrani tu, kwa mwendo huu na sisi tutafika huko kwenye neema there is a kight at the end of a tunnel.
     
  8. n

    niweze JF-Expert Member

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    Wow Wow! Did he really say all that? Kweli CCM inazaa mabuya...This is what CCM can do for you...I hope free minded CCM waliobaki watahama this time...Why remain as mwanachama wa CCM wakati mwenyekiti wako ni incompetent?
     
  9. P

    Pascal Mayalla JF-Expert Member

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    Mzee Mwanakijiji, huyu ni rais wa nchi!. Haya matani mengine yanayokaribia kufanana na ukweli!. Wee haya...
    usije kusema hatukuambia au ilikuwa ni tungo, shairi au mistari tuu ya vesi. Kitendo cha kumfanya raisi wako ni mtupu hata Zero ni afadhali, atakasirika na kuacha kusoma jf, shauri yako!.
     
  10. Scientist

    Scientist JF-Expert Member

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    :clap2:
     
  11. Mzee Mwanakijiji

    Mzee Mwanakijiji Platinum Member

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    Ni burudani tu.. nina uhakika majibu yake kwa maswali hayo hapo juu yatafanana sana na ninavyofikiria atakavyojibu..
     
  12. P

    Pascal Mayalla JF-Expert Member

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    Yaani hata Zero ana afadhali. Japo hizi ni kelele za mlango, lakini kama majibu yenyewe ndio kama hayo, no wonder....!.
     
  13. Horseshoe Arch

    Horseshoe Arch JF-Expert Member

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    Inanikumbusha nyuma kidogo Mheshimiwa Ben aliwahi kuulizwa swali na nadhani mwandishi wa habari...kwa ghadhabu kidogo akagonga meza kuonesha msimamo wake katika alichosimamia "kaandikeni mimi nimeagiza!'' kwa huyu mheshimiwa " Sijui" sina uhakika kama ana ujasiri huo!
     
  14. MwanaHabari

    MwanaHabari JF-Expert Member

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    :clap2::clap2::clap2::clap2::coffee:
     
  15. Nguruvi3

    Nguruvi3 Platinum Member

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    Mimi nimekanganyikiwa.
    1. Mzee asema Richmond ni ya kitapeli, Mbona hakumuondoa Hosea aliyeitakasa.
    2.Akubali Richmond ni ya kitapeli, mbona aliwaacha walioingia mkataba na matapeli wakastaafu tena akiwa ameagizwa na bunge
    3. Mzee haijui Dowans, mbona alisema Dowans imezalisha umeme miezi 10, je ni kwa nchi gani na kiongozi gani.
    4. Haijui Dowans, sasa vikao vya CC na Wabunge vinajadili nini kama Rais hana habari na kampuni hii.
    5. Haijui Dowans, AG na Ngeleja wanamlipa nani mabilioni, Rais asiyoyajua
    6. Haijui Dowans, Ngeleja alitutajia akina nani na je alitaja kama Ngeleja au serikali.
    7. Haijui Dowans, mbona aliyepewa power of Attorney ni mjumbe wa NEC,CC (refer the East Africa newspaper),hamjui pia!
    8.Asema tamko la Chiligati ni lake na serikali, lakini Chiligati alisema CC imeamua kulipa
    9. Mzee anasema wanasheria washughulikie, AG Werema anasema hakuna namna lazima tulipe, Ngeleja nasema malipo yameridhiwa nawatalipwa, Sitta asema haiwezekani ni utapeli, Mwakyembe asema ni kuihujumu nchi, PM asema lazima tufuate utaratibu wa utawala bora, Wabunge wa CCM wasema no! PM arejea tutafuata ushauri, Rais amalizia hapendezwi na malipo. Hapa kuna kile kitu kinachoitwa collective responsibility kweli!
     
  16. Madago

    Madago Senior Member

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    Basi rais wetu si rais, bali kivuli chake anakiogopa.....na hakika huko mbele baadaye akiulizwa haya aliyoyasema jana tena atakuja sema "sijui kama nilisema siwafahamu dowans, sijui....sio mimi"
     
  17. Arafat

    Arafat JF-Expert Member

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    Ahaaaa Utawala wa Giza, majini ya Bwana Yahya, Ugonjwa wa kubembea, Mahuaji ya Albino, Ajali za Kibaha, Pete zenye mifupa ya Albino, Madawa ya Kulevya, mafuta ya Petro juu, wizi wa madini, wizi wa wanyama pori; sijui kama sisi Waislam Dini inaruhusu haya yote, hapana sijui kama huu ni udini, No, mhmmm!! huu ni Uislam no, huu niiii hapana sijui, sahamani sijui kabisa wengine wanasemaaaa eti mimi naitwa Arafat mimi sijui!! .
     
  18. Companero

    Companero Platinum Member

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  19. A

    August JF-Expert Member

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    hivi mnacho ongelea mimi sijui, lazima mtakuwa mmenunuliwa.
    i said dr sijui, professouer wa ma-professeiur, gear box mtambo wa chuma. hata obama nk wanajua hilo, na nyerere alishindwa, al.....
     
  20. M

    Mfwatiliaji JF-Expert Member

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    Hivi waTz tupo karne ipi vile, ya 21,20, au 19? nimeuliza tu..
     
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