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12 Ways To Ruin Sex

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by The Finest, Oct 24, 2011.

  1. The Finest

    The Finest JF-Expert Member

    #1
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    Our sexuality is affected so easily by self-esteem, emotional insecurities, pressures, criticisms, and expectations. So to effectively ruin sex for your spouse, follow these steps:

    1. Expect sex simply because you're married.

    2. Have sex the same time and place every week - This way neither of you will have to wonder when or how sex will occur. "Saturday night – 9:30 p.m. in the bed." Just like clock work – who really wants spontaneity and chance when it comes to their sex life?

    3. Follow the routine each time - Be sure to follow the same steps and plays each time. It's way too much work to come up with different things to do together. And after all, variety and spice aren't necessary for sex, right?

    4. Only touch your wife/spouse with the goal of sex in mind - Who really needs non-sexual touch? Save the hugs, kisses, holding hands crap for the build up to the deed. That way your partner will clearly know that sex and touch go hand in hand. No chance for missed signals or misunderstandings. How great would that be?

    5. Skip the foreplay and go straight for the gusto.

    6. Keep your clothes on during sex.

    7. Criticize your wife/spouse sexual performance.

    8. Criticize their physical appearance - I think it's called tough love. How else is your spouse supposed to know the areas they need to improve? If they are going to keep up with your abilities in bed they need to know where they suck (oh wait, encouraging them where and what to focus on would improve things, so disregard this point.

    9. Have sex with the TV on - Enjoying sex while watching Ze Comedy....mhhh i dont think so

    10. Answer the phone during sex.

    11. Get sex over with as fast as possible – as long as you're satisfied - Sex is really all about you. No need to ask your partner if there's anything you could do for them. Assume everything is fine unless they say something.

    12. Get away as fast as possible once you're finished - The sooner you're done, the sooner you'll be able to get some sleep. Save the talking till tomorrow at breakfast. And no need to cuddle or touch each other, refer back to rule 5.

     
  2. Smile

    Smile JF-Expert Member

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    daaaah ngoja wadau waje mi napita tu
     
  3. AshaDii

    AshaDii Platinum Member

    #3
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    Hio number 6 kuna exceptions.... i.e "a quickie" lol
     
  4. The Finest

    The Finest JF-Expert Member

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    Hahaha!!! Mara nyingi inakuwa ofisini au kwenye gari...don't ask me further questions lol
     
  5. Mr Rocky

    Mr Rocky JF-Expert Member

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    Mhhh napita tuu hapa ila No 10 ni kiboko
     
  6. Mr Rocky

    Mr Rocky JF-Expert Member

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    Wizi tuu hapo maana kama ni kwenye gari
    HAlafu inaelekea unayafanya sana
     
  7. Smile

    Smile JF-Expert Member

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    je no 6 hata mimi napita tu duh?
     
  8. Mr Rocky

    Mr Rocky JF-Expert Member

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    Hiyo ni ya wale wezi wale kwenye gari au kwenye kuta za majumba mabovu usiniulize please
     
  9. AshaDii

    AshaDii Platinum Member

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    Kuwekana sawa ni muhimu.... Hivi unafikiri mzee anapoomba ruhusa kasahau file nyumbani inakua ni nini?? lol Time is limited you know....
     
  10. Smile

    Smile JF-Expert Member

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    kumbe hii kitu haina mtakatifu bwana jamaa ana hadi kanuni 12 bwana duh???
     
  11. Smile

    Smile JF-Expert Member

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    iyo no 10 sijaelewa jamani khaa ila napita tu
     
  12. The Finest

    The Finest JF-Expert Member

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    Kumbe ndio maana wengi huwa wanarudi home kula lunch...now i understand unasikia leo mchana naenda kula nyumbani
     
  13. The Finest

    The Finest JF-Expert Member

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    Namba 10 nafikiri itabidi utumie mbinu ya simu kama hiyo ya kwenye avatar yako
     
  14. AshaDii

    AshaDii Platinum Member

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    hahahaha..... Ukioa you will understand PA.... Weeeell and proper...lol
     
  15. Mr Rocky

    Mr Rocky JF-Expert Member

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    AshaDii nimeipenda hii .......kumbe ndo maana aise
     
  16. The Finest

    The Finest JF-Expert Member

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    Mhh!!! Umejuaje??
     
  17. Mr Rocky

    Mr Rocky JF-Expert Member

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    hahahah unajifanya una important phone call na huwezi kuacha kuipokea hapo sasa
     
  18. A

    Ave Ave Maria JF-Expert Member

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    mmmmh!!! Ngoja nimfuate Miss America aje anitafsirie!
     
  19. Mr Rocky

    Mr Rocky JF-Expert Member

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    Usiulize
    Usiulize kwa nini Boss huwa anamwambia secretary wake abaki ana kazi za ziada
    Usiulize kwa nini boss anampeleka secretary baada ya kumaliza kazi na wakiwa wawili tuu na huwa hawafiki mapema majumbani mwao
     
  20. The Finest

    The Finest JF-Expert Member

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    Halafu nimesahau moja, you withdraw entirely from any form of physical contact until the next time your wife/husband partner is brave enough to initiate it again
     
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