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Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki Tubadilishane mawazo kuhusu mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki, n.k na kushauriana. TAFADHALI: Hii si sehemu ya kuweka picha chafu ama kutumia lugha kali sana. Zitafutwa!


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Old 3rd July 2009, 12:02 PM   #1
Trust katika ndoa!
MwanajamiiOne MwanajamiiOne is offline 3rd July 2009, 12:02 PM

Nimeikuta hii kwenye The Hill of Wealth. Nimeipenda and would like to share with you ! anasema;

Uwezo wa kumwamini (trust) na kujisikia salama na kutulia kati ya wanandoa ni moja ya misingi ya kila mmoja kutoa upendo kwa mwenzake. Bila msingi (foundation) imara katika kuaminiana au bila kuweza kuimarisha kuaminiana huweza kuleta mzozo mkubwa kwenye ndoa.

Mume na mke hujisikia raha na furaha (joy) ya ajabu wakati kila mmoja akifahamu kwamba mwenzake anamwamini (trust) na hii furaha hudumu kwa muda wote ingawa kwa wale wasioaminiana hujikuta wanajiingiza kwenye migogoro na kukwaruzana au mmoja kumkalia mwenzake na kumnyima uhuru na kuwa mtumwa.

Inawezekana wewe ni mwanamke umeolewa na mwanaume ambaye hakuamini kwa lolote, hata ukiondoka na gari ukirudi nyumbani anaanza kukuuliza sehemu zote ulizoenda, umekutana nani, na mmeongea kitu gani ikiwezekana je kwenye gari ulimpakia nani nk.
Haishii hapo bali hujumlisha umbali ambao umemwambia na anaenda kulinganisha na ule umbali ambao gani limesafiri ili ajue ni kweli vinalingana, kama hiyo haitoshi kwa kuwa kuna tofauti na Km 5 anarudi tena kukuuliza imekuwaje ulikoenda na umbali vinatofautiana?

Au umemuomba fedha kwa ajili ya kununua vitu vya kutumia katika familia naye amekwambia kwanza uandike list ya mahitaji yote na bei zake, anakupa pesa kiasi kilekile sawa na vile umeonesha kwenye orodha yako.
Unaporudi anakuomba umuoneshe vitu vyote umenunua na anaomba umpe risiti zote alinganisha kama bei inalingana na vitu umenunua kama haitoshi kila tofauti iliyopo kwenye risiti na orodha ya kwanza inabidi ujieleze.
Anakagua kuhakikisha je vitu umenunua vinalingana thamani na pesa kama kuna kitu umekosea au kina hitilafu anakwambia ukarudhisha au umlipe fedha zake kwani yeye si mtu kwamba anatikisa pesa zinadondoka tu, Kama vile haridhiki anasahihisha hadi spelling za kwenye risiti ilimradi tu aonekane yeye yupo sahihi na si vinginevyo.
Je, hapo kuna kuaminiana?

Inawezekana wa kwako hafanyi hayo hapo juu ila naomba hebu jaribu kujiuliza maswali yafuatayo:
Tafadhari tulia na uwe mkweli na Shahidi ni wewe mwenyewe na moyo wako.
Je, Kila wakati anataka kila kitu kifanyike katika namna anayotaka yeye na si vinginevyo?
Je, Kila wakati yeye ndiye yupo sahihi na si vinginevyo?
Je, Hutafutiza vimakosa hadi vipatikane na hakuna siku anaweza kusifia (compliments)?
Je, Hakupi nafasi kujieleza au kutoa maelezo pale kosa likifanyika?
Je, Hujisikia wivu na kutojiamini hata kama hakuna sababu?
Je, Anakakikisha unajisikia hatia (guilt) kwa kila kitu unafanya?


Kukaliwa na mwenzi kwa namna hii huweza kusababisha mmoja hujiona yupo jela, hana uhuru na mtumwa na hana nafasi kujiachia (express) na matokeo yake ni Kujiona anaishi in hell na hujiona kama anaishi na adui badala ya mume au mke na hujiona kila siku hafai.
Source: The Hill Of Wealth
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Old 4th July 2009, 06:32 AM
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Default Re: Trust katika ndoa!

Trust ni muhimu katika uhusiano wowote. mkiweza kuaminiana hakika inaongeza penzi.
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Old 4th July 2009, 07:39 AM
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Default Re: Trust katika ndoa!

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Trust ni muhimu katika uhusiano wowote. mkiweza kuaminiana hakika inaongeza penzi.
Mh!, sawa kaka...
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Old 4th July 2009, 12:58 PM
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[COLOR=#000000]Haishii hapo bali hujumlisha umbali ambao umemwambia na anaenda kulinganisha na ule umbali ambao gani limesafiri ili ajue ni kweli vinalingana, kama hiyo haitoshi kwa kuwa kuna tofauti na Km 5 anarudi tena kukuuliza imekuwaje ulikoenda na umbali vinatofautiana?
Duh! wakuu sasa hii kali....kama umechepuka kwenye foleni zetu hizi za Dar je? I mean kuna so many reasons hapo, ila kama ndo imefika hapo basi tena.....ujue uko na the wrong person!
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Old 4th July 2009, 02:44 PM
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Default Re: Trust katika ndoa!

...hivi, trust mnayoisema inamaana sawa na 'kumwamini/uhuru wa kuamua?'

...kwa experiences zangu na kutokana na mila na desturi zetu, mwanawake wa kibantu ukimwamini sana chamoto utakiona.

Wanawake wengi wa kimagharibi ('wadhungu') ni vice versa, ....wao wamechukua role ya uanaume katika ndoa zao. Wao ndio humchungua mume na kumfanya mume atembee na 'kamba shingoni' throughout marriage life. Si ajabu kumkuta mume akitupiwa virago vyake nje na kuishia homeless/sleeping rough baada ya kuvunjika ndoa yake.

No wonder wengi (wanaume wa 'kidhungu') wanaishia kuwa mentally abused na wake zao kama MJ'1 alivyoainisha hapo juu.

Hitimisho; ndugu zanguni mpe mkeo trust but only 49%! ...nawe ubaki nayo 51% miaka yote 10 ya mwanzo ya ndoa. Chaguo ni lako jinsi utavyomwongezea kadri mtavyokuwa mnaadhimisha Silver na Golden jubilees.

Wakati wa 'fainali' ya uzeeni umzawadie 99.9% ya Trust iliyobakia, nawe uende nayo kaburini 0.9% iliyobakia hata kama haikufaidishi chochote huko 'mlango wa pili!'
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