Topic: Separation VS new relationship is it right?

Ni miezi kama nane tumeseparate na my hubby, na with that time nimejithibitishia I dont want to go back kabisa. Divorce processes are on (nikimaanisha tumeanza kulizungumzia kama familia za pande mbili bado haijafika mahakamani) japo kuna mvutano mkubwa jamaa hataki kabisa kuvunja hii ndoa (ambayo mimi najua imevunjika ila bado mambo ya kisheria tu). Im in my early 30s, Tuna watoto 2 naishi nao na kuwatunza kwa kila kitu they are fine and I dont have problem with that.

Ushauri:
1.Nikiwa kama binadamu wa kawaida honestly najisikia kama kuingia kwenye mahusiano tena, naomba mnisaidie muongozo wanaJF, Is it right to get into the relationship during separation? if yes to what level, kisirisiri au hata public? je ni upi muda muafaka (eg mwaka 1 au 2 au never) hasa unaoshauriwa kwa walioachana kuwa na relationship nyingine?

Nimekupenda ghafla, unajua unachohitaji katika maisha yako, watu hatujui tunaitaji nini,

ukiambiwa vumilia unavulia, sijui ili iweje, kumfurahisha mwenzio dah

By Ndeonasiae

Je kisheria inakatazwa endapo mmetengana, wapi mwanasheria . Pili wapi nitapata mwanasheria anisaidie kushuhulikia divorce mwenye gharama nafuu maana nimeulizia gharama kwa mwanasheria fulani private yani ni hela ya kiwanja nikabaki mdomo wazi!

Ni PM nitakusaidia kama upo serious na kama unaishi Dar.

Take time to think, coz ni lazima umpate mtu anayeweaza kukaa na watoto wako japo baba yao naamini ana uwezo wa kuwahudumia. Kimsingi huhitaji kuingia kwa haraka, ila pia si busara kukaa mpweke!

By Mghoshingwa

Take time to think, coz ni lazima umpate mtu anayeweaza kukaa na watoto wako japo baba yao naamini ana uwezo wa kuwahudumia. Kimsingi huhitaji kuingia kwa haraka, ila pia si busara kukaa mpweke!

you are right likini thinking only will not give me a solution since i know for sure I will need someone, I think its better kumfahamu kwa muda wa kutosha, au unaonaje?

By Kongosho

EMT, hapo wengi huwa hatukumbuki kabisa.

Tunadhani utayari wa akili zetu unalingana na utayari wa watoto kitu ambacho si kweli.

Kumletea mtotot baba mpya zaidi ya yule aliyemzoea na anayemjua unaweza dhani haimuathiri lakini inamuathiri sana. Tunakuja jikuta tumetengeneza kizazi ambacho kubadili wapenzi haoni kama ni shida halafu baadae tuanza kuwalaumu huyu mtoto 'mhuni', not fair.

Na bora hayo mahusiano mapya yadumu, lakini leo una juma kesho john, kesho kutwa bakari hapo ni tatizo kubwa.

Na kwa uzoefu, hakuna watu wenye wivu na mama zao kama watoto wa kiume bora wa kike kidogo.

We hata watoto wa kike tuna wivu sana na mama zetu kama mimi siko tayari kusikia eti ma mama yuko na mtu mwingine apart from ma dad kiukweli ntaumia kinoma

By Ndeonasiae

Asanteni kwa ushauri, na kuhusu eti kuwa na mahusiano tusiwe na mawazo ya sex tu, there are lot of things in there, the process ni ndefu mpaka kufikia huko coz you start with knowing someone, kushirikishana kwenye mambo ya maisha, kushauriana etc hayo mambo mengine baadae sana(for few of us) until you are very confortable with a person ndio hayo ya kumuintroduce kwa watoto uone reaction then you decide, hiyo process tu can take years. Nilichokuwa nataka kujua je endapo itagundulika Im so close to someone of oposite sex na ofcourse sitapenda kudanganya eti ohh huyu rafiki tu, maana intention yetu itakuwa clear from the beggining (For security purpose! LOL) itakuwa nimekosea?? kisheria hasa. hilo hasa ndio nilitaka kujua.

Mie naona tayari you have someone in mind you want to start a relationship with tena ASAP. You have have already made up your mind (or heart?) what you want to do. So, ulichotaka kupata hapa ni approval ya watu to give you a go ahead. Kwa sasa hata kama tukikuambia kwa mfano sheria inakataza kuanzishaa mahusiano mapya wakati bado ukiwa kwenye divorce process, bado utakuwa radhi kuivunja hiyo sheria kufanya uliyokusudia.

Kwa vile you have already made up your mind on what you want to do, then you better do it. Nobody can't stop you. You have the right to start a new relationship whenever you want hata kama divorce proceedings hazijamalizika. That is your right.

But to me the jury is still out. Ni vigumu kumhukumu mtu kwa kusikia story ya upande mmoja tuu. Tulishafanya hivyo kwenye hili hili jukwaa lakini baadae the other party akajitokeza na kuleta story yake hapa, mbona watu walitaka kufuta posts zao kwenye post ya mwanzo. Sina maana kuwa you are responsible for what happened, but I cannot say that you are not responsible because the other party is not here to accept or negate what you have said.

Whatever the case, kitu ambacho mie ningekuomba, although you don't like their dad any more, please don't create mazingira ambayo yatawafanya hao watoto wawili nao wamchukie baba yao. Unless alikuwa anawapiga na kuwatendea pia kama ulivyodai amekutendea wewe au kuna other extenuating circumstances, they should have full access to their biological dad if they want to.

By Kaunga

EMT it takes 2 pumping hearts to chukuana mazima mazima; so l won't be the only guilty one! LOL
Ikitokea, Erotica si anahitaji Mbegu tu? Nitamruhusu, na good things, tunaweza zitoa hata kwenye mfuko na kumpa! LMAO

Kwa hiyo huna noma mbegu kusambaa then?

Kwanza Ndeo, pole kwa yaliyokukuta. Naamini ukiwa kama mtu mzima, umetafakari na unajua kinachoendelea katika maisha yako.

Nimepita na still napita huko uliko kwa kiasi fulani though kwa namna tofauti kidogo, lakini ni 'mulemule'.

Nasikitika kuwa kwa wengi wetu, ingawa wana uhuru wa kuongea yoooote waliyoyaongea, HUKUMU zimetangulia mbele kama lile lichuma la mbele la gari ( nimesahau jina la short cut) lakini maisha jamani, hayana rehearsal, na pia kila mtu ana a unique life-path hata kama tunaishi katika dunia hii hii tuna yo i share.
Kwahiyo mtu anapoleta tatizo, tuangalie namna tujibuvyo, ili pamoja na kumwambia mtu ukweli, isiwe sasa tunachukua nafasi ya Mwenyezi Mungu ( ambayo hata hivyo haichukuliki) na kuanza kuhukumu.

Mambo ya mapenzi, hayatakiwi kuwa adhabu. Ndio maana ( nitarudi siku nyingine juu ya hili maana kila siku huwa nawaza uzi huu niuandikeje ili uwakilishe lile linalohitajika) sijui kwanini, sikipendi kile kiapo cha sijui shida na raha blah blah.

I just wish ndoa na mapenzi vingekuwa liberal pamoja na commitment lakini isiwe sasa kama ndio kikomesheo, kuwa hadi unataka kufa , mtu anakukumbusha 'uliapa shida na raha'.

Mtu anaku abuse , mtu anakunong'oneza ' ulisema shida na raha'.

Na pia , mapenzi pia kama yalivyo mambo mengi, ni very relative. Nyakati hutofautiana, watu hubadilika. So sijui hata namna ya ku conclude, lakini niliona nitupie my dime hapa kwa dada Ndeo, na kumsihi, asikilize moyo wake. Deep down kuna sauti ya upole na ambayo huwa inatoka kwa utulivu basi atajua la kufanya.

Maana kuwa realistic katika maisha, kama unatoka na mtu kisiri prior to divorce ni cheating. Lakini naamini pia kukaa na mtu ambaye huna mapenzi naye , hata kama hutangazi kuwa humpendi , ni uongo na unafiki ambao pia ni dhambi.
Unless kama kuna mtu ananiambia mapenzi yanalazimishika.

Muwe na Siku njema wapendaji, wapendwaji, wapenzi na wenye utata kama wetu!

By EMT

Mie naona tayari you have someone in mind you want to start a relationship with tena ASAP. You have have already made up your mind (or heart?) what you want to do. So, ulichotaka kupata hapa ni approval ya watu to give you a go ahead. Kwa sasa hata kama tukikuambia kwa mfano sheria inakataza kuanzishaa mahusiano mapya wakati bado ukiwa kwenye divorce process, bado utakuwa radhi kuivunja hiyo sheria kufanya uliyokusudia.

Kwa vile you have already made up your mind on what you want to do, then you better do it. Nobody can't stop you. You have the right to start a new relationship whenever you want hata kama divorce proceedings hazijamalizika. That is your right.

But to me the jury is still out. Ni vigumu kumhukumu mtu kwa kusikia story ya upande mmoja tuu. Tulishafanya hivyo kwenye hili hili jukwaa lakini baadae the other party akajitokeza na kuleta story yake hapa, mbona watu walitaka kufuta posts zao kwenye post ya mwanzo. Sina maana kuwa you are responsible for what happened, but I cannot say that you are not responsible because the other party is not here to accept or negate what you have said.

Whatever the case, kitu ambacho mie ningekuomba, although you don't like their dad any more, please don't create mazingira ambayo yatawafanya hao watoto wawili nao wamchukie baba yao. Unless alikuwa anawapiga na kuwatendea pia kama ulivyodai amekutendea wewe au kuna other extenuating circumstances, they should have full access to their biological dad if they want to.

upande mwingine wa story hautasaidia kitu, hataki kupatanishwa na mme wake, anataka kujua procedure za kufata kabla hajaingia mahusino mapya, nadhani washauri wangeanzia hapo kumshauri

By Edson

mkubwa Mbu....ukisoma hiyo thread ya huyu mleta mada ni kwamba tayari ana mnara wa kiburi...anaweza kuwatuna watoto wake na anasem wako vizuri na hana tatizo na hilo....
umri wake anasema yuko kwenye early 30...na ana watot wawili...kisa cha ndoa kuvunjika mimi na wewe hatukijui ila ukisoma hiyo thread vizuri utagundua tu mkorofi ni nani....Roho y siri huwa inalia sana na huwa haiachi kama mtu unafanya jambo lisilo jema..lazima ilie.....huyu dada ameshindwa kutumia utashi wake na ndio maana roho inalia ..we si unaona tu ...emeondoka na anaishi kivyake lakini anataka afnaye kwa kujificha!!!..hayupo nyumbani kwa mumewe lakini anataka kujificha...shetani siku zote akitaka kukuaabisha huwa anakuvuruga, anakutia mashaka, anakutia woga..kisha unaanza kujiachanganya na kuanza kusema mambo ya ajabu......hivi unafikiri hapo alipo hajafanya maamuzi ila anasubiri ushauri wa hapa jf?

Kula like kubwa...........katikati ya maandishi yake anaonyesha "kibri" .Kweli roho ya uharibifu hulia tu hata kama husemi!!

naomba nikukumbushe tu kua uko kwenye divorce process ambayo haijakamilika, mume wako akikukuta na mtu mwingine atakua na haki zote za kisheria kua kakufumania na vile bado anakuhitaji nina imani atakuletea fujo ambayo itakuaibisha wewe na watoto wako. na kukuchafua hadi uonekane "umalaya" ndio umekutoa kwenye ndoa. hapo watu hawatakumbuka kesi zenu za polisi wala mangumi alokutia mumeo, wewe ndio utaonekana kicheche.
Mapenzi pia hayana siri, sijui mtakutana wapi ambapo hakuna watu msionekana.
kwa vile naona uko very desperate na hivyo relationship mpya, mwambie jamaa avumilie kidogo ili divorce itoke halafu mjitanue kwa raha zenu.

By EMT

Kwa hiyo huna noma mbegu kusambaa then?

EMT remember bado natumia brain kuongea, so nikianza kuongozwa na moyo; sijui naweza ruhusu nini!

Usiwe na haraka,mapenzi yapo na yataendelea kuwepo! Shughulikia maswala ya divorce kwanza hayo mengine yatafuata baadae..

By Mbu

.....kinachoniumiza, wengi wanaompinga na kumkebehi ndio hao ambao wangetoa ushauri wa 'mpige chini!'......'mtafutie nyumba ndogo' -iwapo mleta mada angekuwa mwanaume!

I know, yaani nilichojifunza humu; kuna double standard sana; na pia wanawake wanakuwa sympathetic na cases za wanaume lkn si za wanawake. Kingine ni kuwa tunapenda kutoa ushauri hata ambao hatujaombwa; na mwisho almost kila mtoa ushauri ni saint.

By marrykate

upande mwingine wa story hautasaidia kitu, hataki kupatanishwa na mme wake, anataka kujua procedure za kufata kabla hajaingia mahusino mapya, nadhani washauri wangeanzia hapo kumshauri

Sijasema apatanishwe na mme wake. Kwa vile unaonyesha kukubali kuwa bado ni "mume wake" then wewe utamshauri procedures gani afuate kabla hajaingia mahusino mapya?

By Kaunga

EMT remember bado natumia brain kuongea, so nikianza kuongozwa na moyo; sijui naweza ruhusu nini!

Bora u-stick na hiyo brain kuongea.

Mwenye mada hana aibu, hana huruma na watoto wake, pia hana uelewa wa kile kitu anataka kufanya. sisi tunakushauri tu siyo lazima uchukue ushauri wetu. Inawezekana sisi tumepitia huko na tumeona athali ambazo kibinadamu huwezi kumu-wish akutane nazo mwenzako kwa kumfahamu au kutomfahamu. Jeuri inalipa pale unapokuwa nayo na ikawa maintained. To heaven, mwache wenzako wachukue, wafurahie maisha wewe uadhirike.

Narudia tena uje hapa na ushuhuda

By Caroline Danzi

Mwenye mada hana aibu, hana huruma na watoto wake, pia hana uelewa wa kile kitu anataka kufanya. sisi tunakushauri tu siyo lazima uchukue ushauri wetu. Inawezekana sisi tumepitia huko na tumeona athali ambazo kibinadamu huwezi kumu-wish akutane nazo mwenzako kwa kumfahamu au kutomfahamu. Jeuri inalipa pale unapokuwa nayo na ikawa maintained. To heaven, mwache wenzako wachukue, wafurahie maisha wewe uadhirike.

Narudia tena uje hapa na ushuhuda

.....i doubt, nawafahamu single mums wengi, na hata waliomo kwenye 2nd marriages na maisha bora kuliko huko walikotokea.

Kuachana na mtu si aibu, kiburi au ujeuri. na wala sio kipimo cha kukosa huruma kwa wanawe. Majority wanaoendelea kuteseka "for the sake of their kids" huja jilaumu zaidi pale watoto wanapoondoka kwenda anza maisha yao.

By Mbu

.....i doubt, nawafahamu single mums wengi, na hata waliomo kwenye 2nd marriages na maisha bora kuliko huko walikotokea.

Kuachana na mtu si aibu, kiburi au ujeuri. na wala sio kipimo cha kukosa huruma kwa wanawe. Majority wanaoendelea kuteseka "for the sake of their kids" huja jilaumu zaidi pale watoto wanapoondoka kwenda anza maisha yao.

Na unaweza ukabaki "for the kids" ukaishia kuwaumiza mara mia zaidi ya ambavyo wangeumia iwapo ungeamua kujitoa. Na hii inaenda kwa pande zote mbili (mwanaune na mwanamke). Huwezi kuwa kwenye ndoa/mahusiano ya manyanyaso, yasiyokupa furaha hata chembe ukategemea kulea watoto wenye furaha. Wataona matatizo yenu na mwisho wa siku wanaweza wakaishia kuharibika kufuatia ndoa ya wazazi wao kuwa ya ajabu.

By Sal

naomba nikukumbushe tu kua uko kwenye divorce process ambayo haijakamilika, mume wako akikukuta na mtu mwingine atakua na haki zote za kisheria kua kakufumania na vile bado anakuhitaji nina imani atakuletea fujo ambayo itakuaibisha wewe na watoto wako. na kukuchafua hadi uonekane "umalaya" ndio umekutoa kwenye ndoa. hapo watu hawatakumbuka kesi zenu za polisi wala mangumi alokutia mumeo, wewe ndio utaonekana kicheche.
Mapenzi pia hayana siri, sijui mtakutana wapi ambapo hakuna watu msionekana.
kwa vile naona uko very desperate na hivyo relationship mpya, mwambie jamaa avumilie kidogo ili divorce itoke halafu mjitanue kwa raha zenu.

Kama huyu jamaa atafanya haya atakua hana maana.Mwanaume hatakiwi kufanya upuuzi huu!