Wakubwa sasa kazi kwenu hapo kama mnaogopa mademu ushauri wa bure huu hapa.
http://www.100-dating-tips.com/

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ONE OF THE STRONGEST WEAPONS IS DIALOGUE

have some interesting news for you...

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ONE OF THE STRONGEST WEAPONS IS DIALOGUE

Evidently, more and more Tanzanians are growing acceptant of the concept behind speed dating albeit in their own ways.

See links below:

http://issamichuzi.blogspot.com/2008....html#comments

http://issamichuzi.blogspot.com/2008....html#comments

http://issamichuzi.blogspot.com/2008....html#comments

http://issamichuzi.blogspot.com/2008....html#comments

http://issamichuzi.blogspot.com/2008....html#comments

http://haki-hakingowi.blogspot.com/2....html#comments

It’s been a while, what is your take…. accept speed dating, rebuke or ignore?! Hivi hapa Dar au mikoani kuna yeyote aliyeona agency wa ndoa, ukiachilia mbali mambo ya ushenga…. Pia, kama mtu unataka kibali cha kuanzisha dating agency, je ni mamlaka au wizara gani unapaswa kuwaona? Shukrani.

SteveD.

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Kwa sasa inaaminika kuwa Tanzania ni nchi pekee barani Afrika yenye uhodari, ushujaa, bidii na ustadi wa hali ya juu katika medani ya mapokeo na kulaki tamaduni pepe za ughaibuni hata kumeza nzima nzima bila hata chembe ya fikra chanya katika kuhoji. Hakuna ubishi kuwa Tanzania kwa sasa ni maabara ya kufanyia majaribio ya kila aina ya taka toka nchi za ng’ambo. Taka hizi ni pamoja na bidhaa, tamaduni na mienendo haramu.

Wakati tamthilia hiyo ikiendelea,Afrika ya Kusini ndio imejiteuwa kuwa lango kuu ya kupitishia kila aina ya bidhaa hafifu, tamaduni hafifu, mienendo hafifu na kila aina ya taka kutoka Ulaya kwa kisingizio cha ubeberu mkongwe eti utandawazi na soko huria.

Chini ya mfumo huu, ni ruksa kuingiliana kitamaduni na kimienendo ambapo mwenyewe ulemavu wa fikra tasa hujikuta akiamrishwa kucheza kila aina ya ngoma naye hucheza tu kama zuzu.

Tunahubiriwa kuwa dunia ya sasa ni kijiji (global village) ambapo kila mkaaji anapaswa kuuza bidhaa na utamaduni alionao. Kinyume chake ni utumwa!

Naeleza haya ili kujenga hoja yetu ya leo ambayo ni ndoa za mikataba kwa taifa changa kama Tanzania.

Naam. Hatuwezi kuorodhesha miigo yote toka ughaibuni lakini hata msomaji makini anaweza kuangalia vitu vilivyomzunguka pale sebuleni, chumbani, jikoni, maliwatoni, hadi ofisini, ni kitu gani cha Kitanzania? Lakini si hivyo tu, hata mavazi yetu, miondoko yetu, ongea yetu: vijana wetu wa kiume sasa wanatoga masikio alimradi tu wafanane na wanawake. Na kama hiyo haitoshi, wanaume hata kuwa mashoga kwa kuwa mzungu tena maarufu kama Elton John wa Uingereza na wengine ni mashoga.

Dada zetu warembo leo hawana tofauti na wana sesere pale wanapovaa nusu uchi, nguo zisizositiri miili yao na zingine za kubana kiasi cha kuonyesha jiografia ya maungo yao ya siri. Midomoni wamepaka damu ili tu wajulikane ni wauwaji, kucha za bandia kama malaika wa giza, nywele za bandia, miwani ya jua hata wawapo kivulini na kila aina ya taka na ushenzi wa Kimagharibi.

Tumewahi kusikia hata spika wetu wa bunge akijivunia kuvaa joho iliyoshonwa London kana kwamba Hadija Mwanamboka wa Sinza hawezi kumshonea Spika wetu joho la bunge. Hiyo ndiyo hali halisi na kama taifa huru tumefikia hapo!

Kila kitokacho Ulaya, Marekani, Uarabuni na Mashariki ya mbali ni “kitakatifu” na hivyo kinafaa kuliwa, kuvaliwa, kutendwa na kutamadunishwa kwani hatuwezi kujitenga kama kisiwa ndani ya kijiji cha dunia.

Naam. Ndoa za mikataba nazo zimeanza kubisha hodi mlangoni. Tunajiuliza, je, tutazifungulia ziingie ndani ya nyumba yetu kama tulivyokaribisha taka zingine? Hata hivyo, ni nani anayefungua milango hii? Ni nani anayefikiri kwa niaba yetu juu ya ndoa za mikataba? Watu wetu wameanza kunong’ona chini kwa chini juu ya kuruhusu watu kuoana kwa mikataba maalumu inayotambulika kisheria.

Wanapozungumzia utambuzi wa kisheria ni kuwa Bunge letu tukufu litunge sheria ya ndoa za mikataba. Lakini unaweza kujiuliza, Spika wa bunge aliyejisikia “ujiko” kuwa na vazi toka Ulaya ataacha kushahadia ndoa za mikataba?

Kinachosikitisha ni kuona watu wazima wenye nyuso za weledi ndio wameanza kupendekeza uwepo wa ndoa za mikataba bila hata kujiuliza, tutahimili mikiki mikiki ya ndoa za mikataba? Kwa kuwa hii ni dini ngeni na injili mpya toka majuu, hatuzuiwi kujiuliza maswali yafuatayo: Ndoa ya mkataba una maana gani? Nini maudhui yake? Ina faida au hasara gani kwetu? Inalenga kujenga jamii ya aina gani kwa siku za usoni? Na mwisho tujiulize, kwa nini watu wanasukumwa kufunga ndao za mikataba?

Makala yetu ya leo itajikita maeneo hayo kama uamsho wa mjadala mpana wa kitaifa. Ndoa ya mkataba ni makubaliano huru baina ya watu wawili wa jinsia kinzani wanaoamua kuishi pamoja kama mume na mke kwa kipindi maalum kama miezi sita, mwaka, miaka miwili, mitatu na kuendelea.

Hii ni ndoa ambayo neno “umilele” haitakiwi. Katika ndoa za mikataba ipo masharti kadhaa yanayoridhiwa na pande zote mbili mbele ya mwanasheria au mtu aliyepewa mamlaka na serikali kufungisha ndoa hizo.

Masharti yanaweza kuwa, tusizae watoto, tuzae mtoto mmoja tu, hakuna kurudi nyumbani huku umelewa, hakuna kutembea nje ya ndoa, mmoja akifariki, aliye hai haruhusiwi kuoa ama kuolewa hadi kipindi cha mkataba kuisha, mmoja akimchoka mwenzie anaweza kujiondokea bila kuingiliwa uamuzi wake, baada ya mkataba mali hugawanywa. Masharti mengine yanaweza kuwa, tendo la ndoa ni mara moja tu kwa mwezi au kila uchao na popote pale, hakuna ubaya kama mmoja atavutiwa kingono na mtu mwingine nje ya ndoa nakadhalika!

Chini ya mfumo huu, kwenda kinyume na moja ya masharti ni kuiaga ndoa hiyo, kufungasha na kuondoka na pengine hata kutozwa faini kama iliainishwa kwenye mkataba. Chini ya ndoa ya mkataba, mwanandoa anapaswa kuwa makini na kuheshimu mkataba huo wa kisheria na si msukumo wa kiutu na asilia ya upendo.

Hata hivyo tunapaswa kujiuliza, ni kwa nini tumeanza kuota ndoa za mikataba? Jibu la swali hilo ni rahisi. Huko nyuma tumewahi kusema kuwa ndoa ni makubaliano kati ya watu wawili walioamua kuishi kama mke na mume. Makubaliano ambayo ni matokeo ya msukumo wa nafsi, mwili na roho.

Mume na mke huungana na kuwa mwili mmoja, nafsi moja na roho moja kwa nadharia asilia inayoweza kuthibitika bayana. Hakuna Mtanzania asiyekuwa na imani kwa mungu. Wapo wenye imani ya kislamu, wapo wenye imani ya Kikristo, Ubudha,Uhindu na wapo wenye imani ya kijadi wanaopachikwa majina ya matusi eti “wapagani” au kafri.

Kimsingi kila binadamu ameumbwa kwa silica ya kuamini aidha mungu wa imani zote (ambaye ni mmoja) anatambua ndoa za mume na mke kuishi hadi kutenganishwa na mauti.

Jimbo la carlifonia nchini Marekani ndio ilikuwa ya kwanza kutunga na kupitisha sheria ya uhuru wa ndoa za mikataba takribani miaka 20 iliyopita na kusambaa katika baadhi ya nchi za ulaya kama Uingereza na Denmark.

Kwa hapa kwetu ilikaribishwa Afrika Kusini na kutungiwa sheria na tukaanza kuona watu wakifunga ndoa za mikataba na si pingu za maisha.

Tukumbuke kuwa Carlifonia inaongoza dunia kwa wingi wa ndoa zinazovunjika ambapo kwa kila ndoa 100 zinazofungwa ni ndoa 40 tu zinasherekea mwaka mmoja katika ndoa huku zingine zikiyeyuka njiani kama umande.

Ni nini kiliwasibu? Kimsingi ndoa imekuwa ya mkataba toka enzi na enzi ila masharti ya hii ya leo ndio inatofautiana.

Hakuna ndoa inayoruhusu mmoja wa wanandoa kutoka nje ya ndoa na kwenda kuzini na mtu mwingine. Huo ni uvunjifu wa makataba. Haturuhusiwi kuwapiga wake zetu au waume zetu, kuwatukana, kuwadharau, kuwapuuza na kutowajali. Kwa mkataba asilia ya ndoa tunapaswa, kuvumiliana, kuhurumiana, kusameheana, kuchukuliana kwa misingi ya utu wema kwani ndio asili ya binadamu.

Ndoa ni lazima itawaliwe na upendo wa kweli kama tulivyoona majuma mawili yaliyopita. Upendo wa kweli huvumilia kwani hakuna binadamu aliyekamilika kwa aslimia 100, sote tu wadhaifu na hivyo tunapaswa kutanguliza ubinadamu mbele na si adhabu kwa kila kosa.

Lugha zetu, matendo yetu, mienendo yetu, hisia zetu na maamuzi yetu yalenge kutenda mema kwani hiyo ndiyo asili ya binadamu.

Wenyeji wa Carlifonia waliposahau kanuni ya ubinadamu walijikuta wakifikiria juu ya ndoa za mbadala na kisha kutunga sheria ya ndoa za mikataba.

Afrika ya Kusini baada ya kuruhusu kila aina ya uozo kutoka Ulaya. Walijikuta wakishindwa kizikabili ndoa zao na kufikiria ndoa za mikataba.

Lakini pia kuna swali la msingi hapa; je, ndoa za mikataba zimeleta ahueni ya maisha bora huko zilikoanzia? Jibu ni hapana. Kwa ndoa za mikataba watoto wa mitaani wameongezeka maradufu, ndoa zimevunjika maradufu, wengi wameumizwa mioyo na wengine kuamua kuondoa uhai wao.

Ugawanaji mali umeleta magomvi, chuki na uhasama. Hisia za kingono zimeachwa kutawala fikra na hata kufifisha kabisa uwezo wa kutenda. Sheria ya asili inatuambia kuwa mtoto hukuwa salama na kuwa mtu mzima tu pale anapolelewa na wazazi wake wote wawili kwa ushirikiano.

Ndoa ya mkataba inaweza kuheshimu sheria hii ya asili? Ndoa za mikataba zitatusaidia kupambana na janga la ukimwi na ongezeko la watoto wa mitaani? Lakini pia tunapaswa kujuwa ndoa za mikataba hazina hata chembe ya utamaduni wetu.

Niliwahi kusema jamii yoyote inayothubutu kuipa kisogo tamaduni zake na kukumbatia tamaduni za watu wengine ni lazima ianguke na yumkini isisimame tena.

Kama Watanzania tunazo tamaduni zetu za ndoa ambazo nasi tunaweza kuziuza katika soko kuu la kijiji cha dunia. Katika ndoa zetu tuliishi kwa kuheshimiana, kupendana na kujaliana.

Mke alijua nafasi yake ya utii katika ndoa, mume naye alijua nafasi yake ya kupenda na kuhenyea chakula cha familia yake na si kuvaa suruali na kuchomekea tu! Watoto nao walijua wajibu wao katika familia.

Hakuna ushahidi wa kitafiti kuwa tamaduni zetu, mila zetu, jadi zetu na mifumo yetu ya maisha katika ndoa haziwezi kufua dafu mbele ya walimwengu.

Turudi katika misingi yetu asilia na kuepuka kilio kikuu kinachoweza kuifunika taifa baada ya kuanguka endapo tutaruhusu tuchuliwe na upepo wa tamaduni za ughaibuni zisizojali mipaka, rangi, kabila na tamaduni za watu wengine.

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I.T. Specialist and Digital Security Consultant

Golden rules for finding your life partner and maintaining by Dov Heller, M.A

When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, no one wants to make a mistake. Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50%, it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to finding
Mr./Miss. Right!

If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting married, they'll say: "We're in love". I believe this is the no1 mistake people make when they date.

Choosing a life partner should never be based on love.

Though this may sound "not politically correct", there's a profound truth here. Love is not the basis for getting married. Rather, love is the result of a good marriage. When the other ingredients are right, then the love will come. Let me say it again:

"You can't build a lifetime relationship on love alone".You need a lot more!!!

Here are five questions you must ask yourself if you're serious about finding and keeping a life partner.

QUESTION 1: Do we share a common life purpose?

Why is this so important? Let me put it this way: If you're married for 20 or 30 years, that's a long time to live with someone. What do you plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat and jog together? You Need to share something deeper and more meaningful. You need a common life purpose.

Two things can happen in a marriage:
(1) You can grow together, or
(2) You can grow apart.

50% of the people out there are growing apart. To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life! Bottom line; and marry someone who wants the same thing.

QUESTION 2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person?

This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship. Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The basis of having good communication is trust - i.e. trust that I won't get "punished" ; or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings. A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings. Be honest with yourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.

QUESTION 3: Is he/she a mensch?

A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person. How can you test? Here are some suggestions.

Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis?
Are they serious about improving themselves?
A teacher of mine defines a good person as "someone who is always striving to be good and do the right ". So ask your significant other what do they do with their time? Is this person materialistic?
Usually a materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is character refinement.

There are essentially two types of people in the world:

(1) People who are dedicated to personal growth, and
(2) People who are dedicated to seeking comfort.

Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing.You need to know that before walking down the aisle.

QUESTION 4: How does he/she treat other people?

The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another person pleasure.

Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they wrapped up in themselves and self-absorbed? To measure this, think about the following:

How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as waiters, bus boys, taxi drivers, etc.
How do they treat their parents and siblings?
Do they have gratitude and appreciation? If they don't have gratitude for the people who have given them everything;
Can you do nearly as much for them? You can be surethat someone who treats others poorly, will eventually treat you poorly as well.

QUESTION 5: Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this person after we're married?

Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to "improve" them after they're married. As a colleague of mine puts it, "You can probably expect someone to change after marriage for the worse". If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry them.

In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult and treacherous. The key is to try leading a little more with your head and less with your heart.

It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating; so be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues. Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring on your finger, you don't want to find yourself in trouble because you didn't do your homework.

Another perspective....

There are some people in your life that need to be loved from a distance....
It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let go of or at least minimize your time with draining, negative, incompatible, not-going anywhere relationships. Observe the relationships around you.

Pay attention....
Which ones lift and which ones lean? Which ones encourage and which ones discourage? Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are going downhill? When you leave certain people do you feel Better or feel worse? Which ones always have drama or don't really understand, know, or appreciate you?

The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind, love and truth around you...the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit in the front row and who should be moved to the balcony of your life.

An African proverb states, "Before you get married, keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one eye". Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don't let lust, pity, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low self-esteem make you blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see as faults aren't really that important.

Do you bring out the best in each other? Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete, compare and control? What do you bring to the relationship? Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain?

You can't take someone to the altar to alter them. You can't make someone love you or make someone stay.
If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and "a life"; you won't find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your pain. Seeking status, sex, and security are the wrong reasons to be in a relationship.

WHAT KEEPS A RELATIONSHIP STRONG ARE:

1. TRUST
2. COMMUNICATION
3. INTIMACY
4. A SENSE OF HUMOR
5. SHARING TASKS
6. SOME GETAWAY TIME WITHOUT BUSINESS OR CHILDREN
7. DAILY EXCHANGES (meal, shared activity, hug, call, touch, notes)
8. SHARING COMMON GOALS AND INTERESTS
9. GIVING EACH OTHER SPACE TO GROW WITHOUT FEELING INSECURE
10. GIVING EACH OTHER A SENSE OF BELONGING AND ASSURANCES OF COMMITMENT

If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as resentment withdrawal, abuse, neglect, and dishonesty; and pain will replace it.

Happiness keeps You Sweet,
Trials keep You Strong,
Sorrows keep You Human,
Failures keep You Humble,
Success keeps You Glowing,
But......... .

Only faith keeps You Going!

"In search for me, I discovered truth. In search for truth, I discoveredlove and in search for love, I discovered faith. In faith, I have foundeverything." "Obstacles are those frightful things you see when youtake your eyes off your goals."...Authors Unknown

Good stuff, thank you.

Love does not conquer all

Love is blind; if you are in love and inexperienced, read articles like these to keep you focused.

What do you mean exactly?

For sure this is hot stuff!!!
Thanks haika!!
I think the most important thing here also is to strive to grow together!!

will come back with some more! acha nikafanye zoezi kwanza..

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It is not the strongest species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the ones most responsive to change - Charles Darwin

Haika Mwanamke Niliyenae Mimi Hatujaona Niko Nae Zaidi Ya Miaka Ni Wapenzi Tu Tumepitia Mengi Mpaka Wazazi Pande Zote Mbili Hawataki Sisi Tuendelee Mfano Mimi Nilipelekwa Mpaka Polisi Kulazimishwa Kuachana Na Huyu Mwanadada Na Yeye Akapelekwa Mbali Sana Lakini Baada Ya Masaa Machache Tunatafutana And So On

Mara Ya Mwisho Wiki Iliyopita Tu Sijui Ilitokea Nini Nilishituka Nimerushiwa Sahani Ikapasukia Usoni Hapa Nilipo Uhandsome Umepungua Kidogo Mpaka Nipone Majeraha Lakini Bado Niko Nae Sijui Nampendea Nini Sijui Yeye Ana Nini Cha Zaidi Lakini Siwezi Kukaa Dakika 10 Bila Kujua Anaendeleaje Siwezi Kukaa Masaa 12 Bila Kufika Kazini Au Sehemu Aliyo Yeye Ndio Hiyo

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I.T. Specialist and Digital Security Consultant

Mzazi nakupa straight talk, achana nae. Kama mwanamke ni mkorofi kumuoa hakusaidii