http://www.jamiiforums.com/ Vimbwenga, Vunja Mbavu na udaku wa kila aina vimejaa humu! en Tue, 18 Jun 2013 23:07:55 GMT vBulletin 60 http://www.jamiiforums.com/template/JamiV1/default/misc/rss.png http://www.jamiiforums.com/ http://www.jamiiforums.com/jokes-utani-udaku-gossips/471505-mambo-mengine-bwana-yaani-nikikumbuka-new-post.html Tue, 18 Jun 2013 17:19:27 GMT daaa!! Kuna siku nilienda bech kupiga tiz nlipo fika nikamkuta dm mmja hv mkaliii nae anakimbia so 2kaungana pamja kufanyatz 2livyo malza kukimbia dem akaniomba nimfanyishe mazoez ya 2mbo..kama unavyokua vinguo vyao vile vya kubna hadi funyox... daaa!! Kuna siku nilienda bech kupiga tiz nlipo fika nikamkuta dm mmja hv mkaliii nae anakimbia so 2kaungana pamja kufanyatz 2livyo malza kukimbia dem akaniomba nimfanyishe mazoez ya 2mbo..kama unavyokua vinguo vyao vile vya kubna hadi funyox inajichora kwa juu bs unaambiwa ile dm kulala2 chini mi nikaona ile ki2 hapo hapo mawazo yakahama bs bdala yakumfanyisha mazoez ya2mbo nikawa na mfanyia masag sa dm nae sijui alidata na kifua changu kilvyo kua kime2na bs naeakawa anasapoti kile kitendo mara nikaanza kumchojoa ile tait yake namimi taribu nikavua bukta yangu bs 2kaanza kufanyaye2 taratibu bs wakati 2naendlea mara gafla.......gonga like niendlee na utamu ]]> Jokes/Utani + Udaku/Gossips radiation http://www.jamiiforums.com/jokes-utani-udaku-gossips/471505-mambo-mengine-bwana-yaani-nikikumbuka.html http://www.jamiiforums.com/jokes-utani-udaku-gossips/471416-hawa-wa-makopo-ya-maji-barabarani-wakipewa-bunduki-ni-aje-arusha-new-post.html Tue, 18 Jun 2013 15:39:59 GMT yaan hapa mchina hajaona tu, ila tuwe makini coz akijuia tu kuna raia tunanyanyaswa hivi na kuwauzia bunduki hali itakuwaje........... kwa sasa ar ni soko zuri sana la siraha.... hawa policcm wanalinga coz hatujazipata... yaan hapa mchina hajaona tu, ila tuwe makini coz akijuia tu kuna raia tunanyanyaswa hivi na kuwauzia bunduki hali itakuwaje........... kwa sasa ar ni soko zuri sana la siraha.... hawa policcm wanalinga coz hatujazipata... ]]> Jokes/Utani + Udaku/Gossips maege http://www.jamiiforums.com/jokes-utani-udaku-gossips/471416-hawa-wa-makopo-ya-maji-barabarani-wakipewa-bunduki-ni-aje-arusha.html http://www.jamiiforums.com/jokes-utani-udaku-gossips/471245-chezea-mabinti-vicheche-new-post.html Tue, 18 Jun 2013 12:43:28 GMT Mzee mmoja alipanda basi kuelekea kwao Moshi kutokea Dar. Wakati wamepita Kibaha binti fulani aliyekaa jirani naye akapokea simu akamjibu mpiga simu kuwa anaelekea Iringa kwenye msiba, kabla hajakaa vizuri binti mwingine akajibu simu naye akasema... Mzee mmoja alipanda basi kuelekea kwao Moshi kutokea Dar. Wakati wamepita Kibaha binti fulani aliyekaa jirani naye akapokea simu akamjibu mpiga simu kuwa anaelekea Iringa kwenye msiba, kabla hajakaa vizuri binti mwingine akajibu simu naye akasema anaenda Dodoma kwenye interview. Mzee kuona vile akaenda kwa dereva kumtaka asimamishe basi kwani hakuelewa kuwa ile basi inaenda wapi. ]]> Jokes/Utani + Udaku/Gossips damian marijani http://www.jamiiforums.com/jokes-utani-udaku-gossips/471245-chezea-mabinti-vicheche.html http://www.jamiiforums.com/jokes-utani-udaku-gossips/471196-ungekua-ww-ungefanya-nn-new-post.html Tue, 18 Jun 2013 11:44:08 GMT MPENZI wako anakupigia simu kuwa uende kwake haraka sana. Unachukua usafiri unaenda kufka mlangoni anakwambia kuwa leo ni birthday yako, unafurah kwa sababu amekumbuka. Kisha anakwambia akufunge kitambaa usoni akufanyie suprise alivyoremba sebureni,... MPENZI wako anakupigia simu kuwa uende kwake haraka sana. Unachukua usafiri unaenda kufka mlangoni anakwambia kuwa leo ni birthday yako, unafurah kwa sababu amekumbuka. Kisha anakwambia akufunge kitambaa usoni akufanyie suprise alivyoremba sebureni, unakubal anakuchukua mpaka kweny kochi unakaa, ghafla simu yake inaita chumbani anakuomba samahani aifuate. Akiwa chumbani wewe USHUZI unakubana unaamua kubinua T@k0 na kujamba "puuu" kisha unajikung'uta unatulia. Badae MPENZI wako anakuja kukufungua kitambaa unakuta watu kibao wamekaa kimya seburen wanasubiri kukuimbia "Happy birthday to you". Je, utafanyeje? ]]> Jokes/Utani + Udaku/Gossips nurbert http://www.jamiiforums.com/jokes-utani-udaku-gossips/471196-ungekua-ww-ungefanya-nn.html http://www.jamiiforums.com/jokes-utani-udaku-gossips/471016-adam-na-rafik-ye-new-post.html Tue, 18 Jun 2013 06:37:36 GMT Adam alimua kusafiri kwenda Mbali. Akamvika mkewe chupi ya chuma yenye kufuri. Ufunguo wa chupi alimwachia rafiki yake mkubwa na kipenzi kwa maelezo kuwa asiporudi baada ya miaka minne amfungulie mkewe ili aishi maisha Adam alimua kusafiri kwenda
Mbali.
Akamvika mkewe chupi ya
chuma
yenye kufuri. Ufunguo wa chupi
alimwachia rafiki yake mkubwa na
kipenzi kwa maelezo kuwa
asiporudi baada ya miaka minne
amfungulie mkewe ili aishi
maisha
ya kawaida. Adam alianza safari yake. Muda si mrefu kabla
hajafika
mbali akamwona rafiki yake
kipenzi
anamkimbilia. Akasimama
kumsubiri kujua kulikoni. Akauliza: Vipi
rafiki
yangu? Rafiki akajibu; umenipa
ufunguo ambao si wenyewe. ]]> Jokes/Utani + Udaku/Gossips nurbert http://www.jamiiforums.com/jokes-utani-udaku-gossips/471016-adam-na-rafik-ye.html http://www.jamiiforums.com/jokes-utani-udaku-gossips/470884-kinyago-cha-panya-na-dr-slaa-new-post.html Mon, 17 Jun 2013 23:00:59 GMT XXX majuzi alikuwa nyumbani kwao. Katika pita pita akakutana na Mmakonde mmoja aliyekuwa anauza vinyago. Alivutiwa sana na kinyago kimoja kilichokuwa kinafanana na panya. Kilichongwa kwa ustadi kiasi ya kwamba hata manyoya ungedhani ni yenyewe;... XXX majuzi alikuwa nyumbani kwao. Katika pita pita akakutana na Mmakonde mmoja aliyekuwa anauza vinyago. Alivutiwa sana na kinyago kimoja kilichokuwa kinafanana na panya. Kilichongwa kwa ustadi kiasi ya kwamba hata manyoya ungedhani ni yenyewe; wacha kichwa, miguu, mkia na vingine. Akamwuliza huyo Mmakonde anauzaje hicho kinyago. Akaambiwa ni shillingi mia tano na kikiiisha nunuliwa hakirudishwi. XXX akaona hiyo ni bei poa kwani ni kama bei ya soda. Alilipa mara moja akaondoka nacho.


Hajafika mbali, maajabu yakaanza kutokea. Kila aina ya panya wakaanza kujitokeza majumabani, vichakani, mashimoni na kwingineko wakimfuata XXX akaingiwa na woga na kuanza kukimbia. Lakini wapi. Panya waliongezeka na kuongeza kasi yao. Woga ulimzidi huku akijiuliza afanye nini.

Hapo alipokuwa ni karibu na mto. . Basi akakikimbia kuelekea huko na panya walikuwa bado wanamfuata na wakiongezeka. Kufika kwenye kingo za mto huo mkubwa, alikitupa kile kinyago majini na hapo ndipo maajabu yalipotokea. Wale panya wote waliokuwa wakimfuata, walikifuata kile kinyago huko majini, wakazama nakufa.

Kuona hayo,XXX ilikuwa ni kama amefunuliwa. Aliondoka kwa kasi mithiri ya farasi, akielekea kwa yule Mmakonde. Mara kufika Mmakonde akawa mkali.


“Nilichema uchirudishe”
“Tulia Baba. Una kinyago kinachofanana na Dr. Slaa.
“China. Tena nakwambia China kabisa”
XXX kesho yake alikata tiketi kwenda China.
HAIJULIKANI XXX ALIRUDI NA NINI KUTOKA CHINA
]]> Jokes/Utani + Udaku/Gossips ISOPOWER http://www.jamiiforums.com/jokes-utani-udaku-gossips/470884-kinyago-cha-panya-na-dr-slaa.html http://www.jamiiforums.com/jokes-utani-udaku-gossips/470845-mjanja-ndani-ya-kanisa-new-post.html Mon, 17 Jun 2013 20:09:50 GMT

Jamaa1 alikuwa amekaa KANISANI siti ya mwisho kabisa,ila pembeni yake kulikuwa
Kuna demu amekaa•Jamaa akaanza kutongoza dem huku mahubiri yakiendelea~
Mambo yalikuwa hiv=
Jamaa=Nakupenda mtot mzuri ntakupa kila ki2 utakachotaka•
BINTi=Sitaki ujinga wako
Jamaa=Hata maandiko yanasema mpende akupendae jamani•
Binti=Mbona ukuwa mgumu kuelewa kaka alafu apa tupo kanisani eeh•
Jamaa=Kazd kukomAa nambie unataka sh•ngp?? Nkupe
Binti= akamuu kupayuka kwa sauti“NIMESEMA SITAkI NIACHE“waumin wote wakageuka nyuma
Jamaa=nae kwa aibu akazuga kwa kupayuka na yy
“SIkUACHI MPAKA UOKOKE “hhha
Ety nan?Mjanja hapo??

]]> Jokes/Utani + Udaku/Gossips only83 http://www.jamiiforums.com/jokes-utani-udaku-gossips/470845-mjanja-ndani-ya-kanisa.html http://www.jamiiforums.com/jokes-utani-udaku-gossips/470725-chezea-waumini-wewe-new-post.html Mon, 17 Jun 2013 17:45:58 GMT Baada ya mazishi ya jamaa mmoja huko Shinyanga, mchungaji alisimama akaongea na waumini wake. Mazungumzo yao yalikuwa hivi: *Mchungaji:* Waumini mnaombwa kutoa michango ili kujenga ukuta (uzio) kuzungushia eneo la makaburi. Je, kuna mtu mwenye... Baada ya mazishi ya jamaa mmoja huko Shinyanga, mchungaji alisimama akaongea na waumini wake. Mazungumzo yao yalikuwa hivi:

Mchungaji: Waumini mnaombwa kutoa michango ili kujenga ukuta (uzio) kuzungushia eneo la makaburi. Je, kuna mtu mwenye swali?

Muumini: Je kuna marehemu yeyote aliyewahi kotoroka? Kama hakuna ukuta wa nini sasa...?

Duh! ]]> Jokes/Utani + Udaku/Gossips Chomsky http://www.jamiiforums.com/jokes-utani-udaku-gossips/470725-chezea-waumini-wewe.html http://www.jamiiforums.com/jokes-utani-udaku-gossips/470702-hongera-kwa-utajiri-new-post.html Mon, 17 Jun 2013 17:23:15 GMT Hongera umefanikiwa kujiunga na freemason. Kila wik utapokea million 50. Kujitoa andika neno "NATAKA NIFE" kwenda namba 008090000.Nakutakia utajiri mwemaa ]]> Jokes/Utani + Udaku/Gossips ChescoMatunda http://www.jamiiforums.com/jokes-utani-udaku-gossips/470702-hongera-kwa-utajiri.html http://www.jamiiforums.com/jokes-utani-udaku-gossips/470450-a-satisfying-confusion-new-post.html Mon, 17 Jun 2013 11:11:59 GMT A recently widowed Jewish lady, was sitting on a beach towel at Cocoa Beach, Florida. She looked up and noticed that a man her age had walked up, placed his blanket on the sand nearby and began reading a book. Smiling, she attempted to strike up... A recently widowed Jewish lady, was sitting on a beach towel at Cocoa Beach, Florida. She looked up and noticed that a man her age had walked up, placed his blanket on the sand nearby and began reading a book.

Smiling, she attempted to strike up a conversation with him. "Hello, sir, how are you?"

"Fine, thank you," he responded, and turned back to his book.

"I love the beach. Do you come here often?" she asked.

"First time since my wife passed away last year," he replied, and again turned back to his book.

"Do you live around here?" she asked.

"Yes, I live over in Suntree," he answered, and then resumed reading.

Trying to find a topic of common interest, Sarah persisted. "Do you like pussycats?"

With that, the man threw his book down, jumped off his blanket onto hers, tore off both their swimsuits and gave her the best ride of her life!

As the cloud of sand began to settle, Sarah gasped and asked the man, "How did you know that was what I wanted?"

The man replied, "How did you know my name was Katz?" ]]> Jokes/Utani + Udaku/Gossips Kimbweka http://www.jamiiforums.com/jokes-utani-udaku-gossips/470450-a-satisfying-confusion.html http://www.jamiiforums.com/jokes-utani-udaku-gossips/470447-mtihani-wa-form-wa-wavuja-new-post.html Mon, 17 Jun 2013 11:08:15 GMT *MAELEZO*: UNAWEZA KUJIBU MASWALI YOTE UKITAKA, LAKINI SWALI LA KWANZA LINA MAKSI 50, SWALI LA PILI LINA MAKSI 40, MASWALI MENGINE MAKSI ZITATEGEMEA KAMA UMEPATA MANGAPI LAKINI HAZIWI CHINI YA 40. *SECTION A* 1) Je, Bara la Afrika ni bara au... MAELEZO: UNAWEZA KUJIBU MASWALI YOTE UKITAKA, LAKINI SWALI LA KWANZA LINA MAKSI 50, SWALI LA PILI LINA MAKSI 40, MASWALI MENGINE MAKSI ZITATEGEMEA KAMA UMEPATA MANGAPI LAKINI HAZIWI CHINI YA 40.

SECTION A
1) Je, Bara la Afrika ni bara au siyo bara?


2) Je Afrika ni bara au ni nchi? Kama ni bara , Je bara hilo linaitwaje?


3) Kati ya jua na mwezi nini kinaleta joto?


SECTION B


1) Rais wa Tanzania ni Ja… Kikwe. Jaza)


2). Je samaki ana weza kuendesha baiskeli? Ndio/ Hapana


3). Imba wimbo wa Taifa kimoyomoyo kama umeweza, andika Nimeweza ]]> Jokes/Utani + Udaku/Gossips jrmlaurence http://www.jamiiforums.com/jokes-utani-udaku-gossips/470447-mtihani-wa-form-wa-wavuja.html http://www.jamiiforums.com/jokes-utani-udaku-gossips/470394-fifa-wametoa-ivory-coast-wametwaa-new-post.html Mon, 17 Jun 2013 09:36:59 GMT Tanzania tulikupenda ivory coast wamekupenda zaidi,jina la yaya toure lienziwe! Wote tuseme.......... Tanzania tulikupenda ivory coast wamekupenda zaidi,jina la yaya toure lienziwe! Wote tuseme.......... ]]> Jokes/Utani + Udaku/Gossips Puffader http://www.jamiiforums.com/jokes-utani-udaku-gossips/470394-fifa-wametoa-ivory-coast-wametwaa.html http://www.jamiiforums.com/jokes-utani-udaku-gossips/470308-salamu-kwa-ndugu-yangu-dar-es-salaam-new-post.html Mon, 17 Jun 2013 07:37:00 GMT Nimependa nikusalime ndugu yangu maana tangu siku zile za zamani mimi nilipopewa hadhi ya kuwa makao makuu umekuwa ukinibania. Ndugu yangu wewe hukukubali kunipatia haki zaidi ya kuruhusu tu waheshimiwa waje kufanya mikutano kwangu. Kwa roho... Nimependa nikusalime ndugu yangu maana tangu siku zile za zamani mimi nilipopewa hadhi ya kuwa makao makuu umekuwa ukinibania. Ndugu yangu wewe hukukubali kunipatia haki zaidi ya kuruhusu tu waheshimiwa waje kufanya mikutano kwangu.

Kwa roho nyeupe kabisa nafurahi sana kwa sasa undugu wetu utapendeza zaidi maana nimesikia kuwa huwezi kubeba watu tena na hivyo uko tayari kuruhusu hadhi yangu nipewe.

Mimi nitakupenda tu ndugu yangu hata kama hilo halitatokea maana wewe utabaki kuwa mkubwa kibiashara kwa muda mpaka baadaye wakati wadogo zetu wengine Mtwara na Tanga watakapokua wakubwa.

Waambie Tanga na Mtwara wawe watulivu kama mimi nilivyokuwa mtulivu kwa muda mrefu

Ni mimi nduguyo wa kufa na kuzikana
Dodoma ]]> Jokes/Utani + Udaku/Gossips Makiri Unguluma http://www.jamiiforums.com/jokes-utani-udaku-gossips/470308-salamu-kwa-ndugu-yangu-dar-es-salaam.html http://www.jamiiforums.com/jokes-utani-udaku-gossips/470123-mashairi-ya-kunguru-mjanja-asiye-fugika-jamani-new-post.html Sun, 16 Jun 2013 22:06:30 GMT kunguru ndege mjanja hafugiki asilani, hata ukimpa chakula hatotulia nyumbani, amezowea mizoga inayotupwa jaani, nilikudhania ndege unaefugika tunduni, nikakupa cheo na taadhima pamoja na ihsani, kunguru ndege mjanja hafugiki asilani,

hata ukimpa chakula hatotulia nyumbani,

amezowea mizoga inayotupwa jaani,

nilikudhania ndege unaefugika tunduni,

nikakupa cheo na taadhima pamoja na ihsani,

kumbe ni sawa na kunguru rangi yako sio shani,

wapo wenye rangi nyeupe wale wanaoshi pwani,

mwanzo nilikudhania njiwa sana nikakuamini,

sasa nimeshakujua huwezi kutulia abadani,

sasa ruka nenda zako ukweli nimeubaini,

hatuwezi kubaki pamoja tabia hatulingani,

kwa heshima nakuruhusu tena nakupa shukrani.

Ruka nenda kwa wenzako tausi aingie ndani. ]]> Jokes/Utani + Udaku/Gossips MziziMkavu http://www.jamiiforums.com/jokes-utani-udaku-gossips/470123-mashairi-ya-kunguru-mjanja-asiye-fugika-jamani.html http://www.jamiiforums.com/jokes-utani-udaku-gossips/470065-ku-chart-na-hause-girl-kaziii-new-post.html Sun, 16 Jun 2013 18:35:36 GMT Aiseee kuchat na housegirl shida usiombe muwe mnachat text zake utakuta kama hii: bebivipibadaeutakujanionejaposurayakotunimekumisshalafubebininaombahelaninunuekilekiatunilichokuambiasikuilelavyuumpenzimwaaa Duh yataka moyo.... Aiseee kuchat na housegirl shida usiombe muwe mnachat text zake utakuta kama hii:

bebivipibadaeutakujanionejapos urayakotunimekumisshalafubebin inaombahelaninunuekilekiatunil ichokuambiasikuilelavyuumpenzi mwaaa Duh yataka moyo....

]]> Jokes/Utani + Udaku/Gossips Bakulutu http://www.jamiiforums.com/jokes-utani-udaku-gossips/470065-ku-chart-na-hause-girl-kaziii.html